If the Fates Allow
by LeighKelly
Summary: Thirteen part Christmas fic loosely based on Life As We Know It. After Santana and Brittany's best friends die, leaving their two kids behind, the ex-girlfriends are forced to move in together and raise their godchildren. The story takes place over one full year, starting and ending at Christmas.
1. December

**December:**

The week following John and Cassidy's funeral felt like one long grief siesta for Santana. She'd used the sick time she never touched and stayed in her bed, alternating between weeping and feeling irrationally angry about absolutely everything. The one time that she tried to leave her house, she got so enraged by the sound of Christmas music and the jingle of bells outside of the deli where she went to pick up a sandwich that she turned her phone off and spent two days in utter silence. John and Cassidy were the first friends she made after moving to New York, they had become like her family and the idea that they were gone just absolutely consumed her with grief. She knew that she should check in with Cassidy's mom and see how their two kids were doing, she knew that she should return her mother's phone calls, but all she wanted to do was shut the world out for as long as possible.

On the eighth day after they were buried, Santana got a phone call from an unfamiliar number. She let it go to voice mail but then curiosity got the best of her and she listened. It was their lawyer, asking her to come down to the office and meet with him about the will. She figured that they must have left her some stupid trinket that she'd have to bury away so she wouldn't be constantly bombarded with the reminder that they were gone, but she called back and said that she'd be there. She didn't want to disrespect their legacy, even if it meant driving out to the suburbs where they had lived and the morning of the meeting, she tried to soak her face in cold water to remove some of the puffiness from around her eyes and she pulled on a skirt and a suit jacket, knowing that even dressed in her work clothes, she looked bedraggled.

There was a lot of traffic on the drive out there and she found herself crying in the car. She wasn't normally like this, she could usually function like a sane human being but everything felt like a lot and being late for a meeting she didn't want to go to suddenly felt like the end of the world. When she finally made it to the office, she was twenty minutes late. She pressed the button for the elevator and when the receptionist led her into a conference room, she was surprised to be staring right into the face of one Brittany Pierce.

"I told you she'd be here." Brittany said to the lawyer across the table. "She's just always late."

"I'm not—whatever."

If Santana had to choose one place in the world she wouldn't be, it would have been her best friends' funeral. Since that had already happened, if she had to choose a second place, it would be sitting in a conference room with her ex-girlfriend. It had been two years since their breakup, but if she even as much as thought about Brittany, she got an ache in her chest. Their breakup wasn't exactly amiable and it sucked. It didn't surprise her though that John and Cassidy would have left something for Brittany too. After all, they'd met them together, they'd been avoiding each other at the kids' birthday parties and the annual Christmas cocktail bash for two years, but Santana wished she could have maybe had her own meeting instead of being stuck pretending she didn't think Brittany looked amazing, especially for someone in the throes of grief.

"Miss Pierce, Miss Lopez." The lawyer began. "Now that I have you both here, we can get started. Were you aware that Mr. and Mrs. Springer appointed the two of you as guardians to their children should anything happen to them?"

"I…vaguely remember Cassidy mentioning it to us years ago." Brittany bit her lip. "But I told her I didn't want to talk about it because they were going to live forever."

"We're not…they made that decision under totally different circumstances." Santana shook her head. "Brittany and I, we're not…together anymore."

"Be that as it may, the Springers' will is clear. They wanted joint custody to go to the two of you. Their house is paid off, they specified that as part of their final requests, Ava and John Jr. would stay in the house under your care."

"That's…I don't know how to take care of kids." Santana put her head in her hands, feeling the weight of her friends' request, not to mention the fact that she'd be doing it with Brittany. "Why wouldn't Cassidy's parents just keep them?"

"I've already spoken to them and they believe this is for the best as well. I understand you might need some time to think about this."

"I'll do it." Brittany answered quickly, shocking Santana.

"Brittany, you can't just make a snap decision like that."

"Actually, last I checked, you can't tell me what to do. It's what Cassidy and John wanted, they were my closest friends. The least I can do is take care of their kids. But you…do whatever it is you want to do."

"I need to think about this."

Santana walked out of the lawyer's office in a daze. She heard the Christmas music playing over the sound system and she internally cringed. Everything felt awful and she couldn't just jump into the decision to take custody of two kids. Maybe Brittany felt like it was the right choice, but Santana just didn't know. She had no idea how to be a mother, she enjoyed Ava and JJ and had been there for both of their births but to actually raise them…that was a whole different story. She got in her car and stared directly in front of her for the whole ride back to the city. She went into her apartment and she looked around. Could she really give all of this up to go live in John and Cassidy's house in the suburbs? With _Brittany?_ She didn't think she could do it, it was just too much. She closed her eyes and all she could picture was John and Cass' first anniversary, right after they'd found out they were pregnant with Ava.

" _Oh, come on. We're totally the godparents." Santana elbowed Brittany in the side and looked, grinning, at Cass._

" _Obviously, as if there were ever a better couple we'd choose to put in charge of our kids." John laughed._

" _Santana and I_ are _the best." Brittany giggled. "I mean, no offense to you two."_

" _We happily concede the title to you guys." Cassidy shook her head laughing. "I'm glad we never knew you two apart."_

" _And you never will." Santana smiled. "Brittz and I are forever."_

" _That we are."_

For two days, it was all she could think about, the conversation that they'd had when Cassidy found out she was pregnant and the idea that she wasn't fulfilling a promise. She went back to work and she sat in a daze at her desk. She had clients who needed to see her and she'd been pushing them off since she got the phone call that her friends were dead, but it felt like she was incapable of interacting with other human beings. She was a publicist, she needed to put a positive spin on everything, but the world felt black even as those damn bells kept ringing outside of the office. She thought about calling Brittany, but then, what would Brittany say? She'd jumped immediately into doing the right thing, but maybe Santana was too selfish to do it. Being in their house, raising their kids, it all felt so awful that she couldn't even think straight.

On the fourth day, Santana started to pack. She grabbed clothes and shoes and personal effects and put them into boxes and suitcases. She wasn't going to pack everything, she would do the rest slowly, but she was haunted by the thought of John and Cassidy being disappointed in her. They had asked for one thing from her, the people who had supported her through job changes and moves and the worst breakup of her life, she couldn't say no, as much as she really wanted to.

After work that night, she showed up on the porch. She wheeled a suitcase behind her and figured the rest of the stuff she could get out of her car in the morning. It was a Friday night, she had the whole weekend off and she could work on adjusting to whatever this new life was going to be for her. She rang the doorbell and she waited. The Christmas lights that John had hung were on outside of the house and it made her feel sick to her stomach. She saw the tree through the window that the four of them had decorated together in preparation for the holiday and she almost threw up. Then Brittany answered, wearing jeans and a sweater and Santana felt like she was going to pass out.

"So you decided to come." Brittany said unemotionally. "Ava and JJ will be happy."

"I guess they never changed their will." Santana shrugged. "This isn't exactly how I imagined I'd start a family with you."

"We're not going to do that. If you're going to be living here with me, we need to set some ground rules. Rule number one, no talking about our past."

"Rule number two, you can't have sex with me."

"Pretty much the last thing on my mind." Brittany rolled her eyes. "Is that all you brought?"

"I have stuff in the car, I'll get it tomorrow." 

"We already ate, but there are leftovers."

"I'm fine." Santana shook her head. "I'll just…bring this up to the guest room."

"I'm sleeping in the guest room. I guess you'll have to take John and Cassidy's room."

"That's seriously creepy. You know I'm scared of ghosts. Can't you take it?"

"No." Brittany shook her head, obviously unaffected by Santana's complaining. "I got here first, I got the guest room. Live with it."

"Britt—"

"Rule number three, don't call me Britt."

"Fine, whatever." Santana dragged her suitcase into the house, stomping her feet as she did.

She didn't see Ava or JJ, so she went right up the stairs. When she got to the outside of John and Cassidy's room, she froze. She remembered when they moved out of the city and into this house, John and Brittany had tried to get the dresser up the stairs while Santana bitched and moaned about putting the bed together. The four of them had ultimately fell on the floor laughing when Cassidy kept screaming _pivot_ even though there was no need for anyone to pivot. Then she thought about how she'd fell asleep crying in that bed after her breakup with Brittany when John had offered to take the guest room so she didn't have to sleep alone. Taking a deep breath, she crossed the threshold and then felt a tug on the side of her skirt.

"Aunt Santana, that's Mommy and Daddy's room." Five-year-old Ava told her, putting her hands on her hips.

"I know, kiddo, but I don't think they'll mind if I borrow it for a little while. I'm here to help Aunt Brittany with you guys."

"Aunt Brittany took us to see Santa Claus yesterday. I told him that all I wanted for Christmas was for Mommy and Daddy to come home."

"Oh, Ava." Santana picked her up, hugging her close. "I'm sure Santa would love to bring you that, but sometimes even his magic doesn't work."

"I miss them too much."

"I know, I do too."

Since apparently Brittany had already gotten the kids into a bedtime routine again, Santana half-heartedly helped. She didn't want to disrupt the flow that Brittany had gotten them into so she just kissed Ava goodnight and watched for a few minutes as Brittany rocked almost-one-year-old JJ to sleep. Something really felt unsettled in her, watching Brittany rock the baby, so she stepped out of his bedroom and went down to the kitchen to find the leftovers Brittany had told her about. While she was heating them up, Brittany came in and Santana took a deep breath.

"So I found the Christmas gifts." Brittany told her. "You know Cass, she had everything all bought and wrapped. I guess we'll just put them under the tree next week."

"How are we supposed to do this, Brittany? I'm barely keeping it together and now I'm supposed to act like I don't want to cry like Ava whenever she brings up her parents?"

"They clearly thought we were the best ones to take care of them."

"You know they made that will while we were still together. I really don't think they actually expected us to live in the same house and raise them together after everything."

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I can do it myself. I set JJ up in daycare and Ava up in aftercare so I can pick them up when I get home from work. I'm going to look for a job out here so I don't have to commute back and forth to the city. I don't need you, Santana. I have this under control."

"What if we would have—"

"No talking about our past. I'm not kidding, I can't do it."

"I have to stay, for Ava and JJ and for John and Cass. I don't know how we're supposed to do this, but I'm not leaving you to do it alone. I'll talk to work, I'll figure out if I can take a few days a week working from home. We'll just…make it work."

"So you're staying?"

"I'm staying."


	2. January

**January:**

Christmas was horrible. There was no other way for Santana to describe it. Ava cried the whole day because she really thought Santa might grant her wish, and then JJ had a fever. That was pretty much how the whole first month of raising two kids went, with crying and unexplained illnesses and Brittany and Santana tiptoeing around each other in the house because neither of them really remembered how to live with each other. True to what they'd said to each other on the first night in the house, Santana managed to get her boss to agree to her working from home for two days and Brittany found a job teaching dance at a small studio only a few miles from the house. Because of both of their efforts to avoid each other as much as possible, even living in the same house, they rarely saw each other and Santana was content with that. Being around Brittany made her heart hurt and her head hurt so they subconsciously took alternate shifts with dinner and bedtime, making it easier on both of them.

But JJ's birthday was upon them and they'd agreed when they ran into each other in the living room one night that they would work together to throw him a party. John and Cassidy had always made a really big deal about Ava's birthdays and a month and a half earlier, Santana would have figured that she'd spend the whole day avoiding Brittany at JJ's party. But, since everything had changed, she sat down with Brittany and decided on food and cake and agreed to allow the horrible clown that Brittany had found to be the entertainment. They both figured it would be good for Ava to see that everything was normal and they sent out the invitations, knowing that the day was going to be full of emotion.

"Did you pick up the cake?" Brittany, holding JJ on her hip, asked Santana when she came into the house with a bundle of balloons from the party store.

"It's in my car. Did you talk to the catering company?"

"They'll be here at one. Ava doesn't want to come out of her room."

"Let me get the cake and then I'll talk to her."

"I don't know why she listens to you and not me." Brittany sighed.

"She likes me better, obviously."

Santana went and got the cake and then looked at all of the decorating Brittany had done. It was starting to snow outside and Santana was concerned that maybe their guests wouldn't show up. Part of her felt like there was something to prove by having this party, like they would be letting everyone know that they hadn't let John and Cass down. Both of their parents were coming, all of the friends that were invited to every party they'd ever thrown but there was a gigantic hole in the house, before anyone even arrived. Santana couldn't help the ache in her heart, she couldn't help but think of how much she was wishing she'd spend the day avoiding Brittany with her friends still alive, how she would give anything for the awkwardness if she could just have them back.

Looking at Brittany holding JJ and washing the breakfast dishes, Santana inhaled deeply. As much as she hated to admit it, she still had feelings for that woman. Their breakup had been awful, Brittany had accused Santana of cheating on her one night when they'd been arguing about nothing and as much as it wasn't true, Santana refused to dignify it with a response. Instead, she just packed her stuff and moved out of their apartment, staying with John and Cassidy for two weeks until she could find a place of her own. They never talked about it, not after. Santana actively avoided anything to do with the confrontation about their breakup and she never so much as called Brittany after they were done. Their last real interaction before they'd been forced to live together again was a huge fight and part of Santana wondered if Brittany still believed she'd actually cheat on her. It hurt her so much to think that someone she loved more than anyone else in the world would have actually believed that about her and sometimes when she looked at Brittany, she felt all of that old anger bubbling up. But she couldn't think about that at the moment, not when she had Ava to deal with, not when they were only a few hours away from having a house full of guests.

"Ava." Santana knocked on the door, then opened it. "What's going on?"

"I don't want to go to JJ's dumb party." Ava pouted, sitting in the center of her bed with her hands crossed over her chest. "Aunt Brittany says I have to wear the dress Mommy bought me and I don't want to."

"I think Aunt Brittany might understand that you don't want to wear that."

"Mommy bought all of my clothes and I don't like _any_ of them anymore."

"I get that." Santana nodded, sitting down on the bed beside her. "Seeing things that remind me of your Mommy and Daddy make me sad too."

"Why don't you like Aunt Brittany?" Ava asked, looking up at Santana with big dark eyes.

"I don't not like Aunt Brittany."

"You're lying and we're not supposed to lie. I know you don't like her because when she comes near you, you get all shrinky."

"It's complicated, Ava. Aunt Brittany used to be my girlfriend, when you were too little to remember. That's why your Mommy and Daddy asked us to take care of you and JJ."

"Did you kiss and stuff?" Ava wrinkled her nose.

"We did kiss and stuff."

"That's gross, but it would be better than you getting shrinky and Aunt Brittany making that face she makes at you."

"She makes faces at me?"

"Uh huh, like the kind Mommy made when I didn't eat my vegetables."

"I'll try to be better about being shrinky, and maybe Aunt Brittany can be better about making faces."

"Can I get a new dress?"

"If you get a new dress, does that mean you'll come down for JJ's party?"

"If it's a really sparkly dress, uh huh."

"Then okay, we'll go get you a new dress."

Santana came down the stairs with Ava following her and Brittany had set JJ in his high chair while she put away the dishes. Ava looked at the balloons and smiled, the first real smile Santana had seen her give since she'd moved into the house and it made her think that this party was really the right thing to do. Brittany raised an eyebrow at Ava, seeing that she was still in her pajamas, but Santana shook her head.

"Ava and I are going to the store to get her a new party dress." Santana informed her.

"She can't go out in her pajamas, Santana."

"It's a special day, so I think it's okay."

"Santana." Brittany pulled her to the side, making Santana jolt at the first real contact she'd had with the other woman in two years. "You can't always cave on everything she wants."

"Her parents died six weeks ago." Santana whispered. "If wearing clothes that Cass bought for her makes her sad, then I'm going to cave."

"You're constantly making me look like the bad guy."

"Then quit being the bad guy."

"Aunt Santana! You're getting shrinky and Aunt Brittany is making the face!"

"What is she talking about?"

"Don't worry about it." Santana rolled her eyes. "We'll be back."

Santana got Ava into her coat and boots and they went out to the store, Brittany casting disapproving glances at Santana until she was out the door. Because Santana recognized that the clothing thing was really bothering Ava, she bought her a whole array of new clothes, including the party dress, and by the time they got back to the house, there were only twenty-minutes left before the guests were set to arrive.

Luckily, the party went off without a hitch and Santana took hundreds of pictures of Ava and JJ surrounded by the people who loved them. When everyone was gone and the kids were settled into bed, Santana went down and started cleaning up. A half hour later, Brittany came down fresh from the shower and she started stacking used plates and cups to throw in the big trash bag Santana had taken out. For several minutes, they made a point not to speak to each other, but then Santana swallowed hard and found Brittany in the living room wiping down the coffee table. She didn't really want to approach her, but after talking to Ava, she knew that she had no choice.

"We need to talk." Santana informed Brittany.

"Yeah, we do."

"If you're going to yell at me about taking Ava to the store in her pajamas, then I take it back, we don't need to talk."

"Did you know that I read four parenting books in the first week I was here? I found them on Cass' bookshelf and I figured that the only way to raise her kids the way she would have raised them was to read the books she read. You and I both know that she didn't let them get away with things like that."

"I'm not Cass." Santana shook her head. "And I think, given the circumstances, she would have given Ava a little leeway. She didn't want to wear the party dress because Cass bought it for her. She's been suffering wearing clothes that remind her of her mom. I wasn't going to force her to keep doing it after she confided in me."

"So you went out and bought her a bunch of new clothes without even talking to me. If we're going to do this together, we need to make decisions together."

"I can't make decisions with you if you're always going to look at me like you hate me."

"When have I ever looked at you like I hated you?" Brittany tossed a pile into the garbage bag and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Um, apparently all the time. Ava asked me why you and I don't like each other because I shrink around you and you make faces at me."

"It's hard for me to be around you." Brittany admitted quietly. "Harder than I imagined."

"You think it's easy for me?"

"No one said it was easy for you, Santana, but you're the one who walked out."

"You think I just walked out because I wanted to? You as good as pushed me out the door, Brittany."

"This is why I don't want to talk about the past. We're never going to agree about what happened and it all just hurts too much."

"You accused me of cheating on you." Santana huffed. "What do you think I was going to do? Sit around while the person I loved accused me of that?"

"You never denied it."

"Well I'm denying it now. All you did was prove that you didn't care enough about me to think that I'd do that to you."

"Then why were you acting like you were?"

"You're the one who made it one of our rules that we don't talk about the past. I'm not getting into this with you. Our relationship was dead and buried a long time ago. All I want to do now is get along with you enough that we can do what Cass and John asked us to do, and I don't want Ava thinking that we hate each other."

"Fine." Brittany sighed. "I'll try not to make faces at you, even when you do things that I disagree with, like let the kids have ice cream for dinner."

"And I'll try not to do things without talking to you first. Like it or not, we have to be a team right now."

"You're right." Brittany nodded. "We did it once, we can do it again."


	3. February

**February:**

The tensions loosened up a little with Brittany and Santana breathed a sigh of relief. They were still consciously avoiding each other when the kids weren't present, but they started doing things like dinner and bedtime together, figuring it would set a better routine for Ava and JJ than if they kept alternating. Often, Santana thought about the fact that they had been together from the time they were in high school until the time they were twenty-eight and they were capable of being in sync, even if it felt really difficult given their current situation. Of course, Santana was dreading telling Brittany that she had Valentine's Day plans, hoping it didn't upset the tentative peace between them.

Two days before, Santana decided she finally had to talk to Brittany. She knew that she probably should have given her some more notice, in case she also had plans that she hadn't told her about, but Santana was kind of into this girl from work and she really wanted to take her out for Valentine's Day. It had been awhile since she had any kind of feelings for anyone and scoring a date for February 14th was kind of a big deal. So, while JJ was in his high chair and Ava was still upstairs getting dressed, Santana approached Brittany in the kitchen.

"Hey, um, so I kind of have plans for Wednesday night." She wrung her hands in front of her body, bracing herself for Brittany to react poorly. "I was hoping you didn't mind having the kids on your own that night."

"Oh. Yeah, I mean…it's Valentine's Day, so I should have assumed you had plans."

"And you don't?"

"Well, dating is kind of the last thing on my mind right now."

"That's not—"

"I'm not saying it as an attack." Brittany shook her head. "I'm just thinking out loud."

"So you don't care?"

"Why would I care? We've been broken up for two years."

"I mean about having the kids."

"Oh." Brittany pursed her lips. "No, I don't care about having the kids."

On Valentine's Day, Santana worked from home. She closed her laptop at 4:30 and went to pick up JJ from daycare and Ava from aftercare. She'd bought each of them little Valentine's Day presents and she let them open them up while she waited for Brittany to go home from work. Ava was upset that she wasn't going to be home for bedtime, but Santana promised her that she'd read two stories to her the next night, placating her a little bit. When Brittany came home, she went upstairs and started getting ready, spending a lot of time in the shower shaving and exfoliating. It had been awhile since she'd been on a date and she was really excited about it, even though she wasn't exactly expecting it to be more than dinner, especially because she had to make it home by seven-am to help with breakfast and getting the kids off for their day. Still though, she prepared just in case.

She kissed Ava and JJ goodbye and she got in her car. Part of her thought about just taking an Uber into the city, but she liked the control of having her car and maybe she was a little old fashioned and liked the idea of picking a girl up for a date. Wendy was cute, she wanted to impress her, and she thought that pulling up in her expensive car might do exactly that. She never exactly had much game, but she was really trying to change that, figuring that since dating was going to be more difficult and would essentially involve Brittany's approval every time she went out, she'd have to be super impressive to make girls like her.

"I can't believe you're raising two kids." Wendy smiled at her once they were seated at the restaurant. "That must have really thrown you for a loop."

"I'm still processing my friends dying, to be honest." Santana shook her head. "The kids are kind of a distraction from it."

"You know, if this were a rom com, you'd totally be falling for Brittany right now."

"I'm—" Santana took a breath, thinking about how she'd never actually stopped falling for her. "That's not going to be a problem."

Santana's phone rang before the appetizers came. She looked at it, saw that it was Brittany and hit ignore. She rolled her eyes a little, unsure of why Brittany would feel the need to interrupt her date, but then she thought that maybe she wasn't as fine with it as she said. Truth be told, she probably would have tried to interrupt a date that Brittany was on, but then she shoved her phone in the pocket of her coat and listened to Wendy tell a story about coming out in college. She was really enjoying her date, so when the phone rang for the third time, she started to get irritated. There was absolutely no reason that Brittany should be calling her so many times, she'd said she was fine with the date, so she figured she was just going to answer the phone and tell her to stop bothering her.

"Just give me one second, I have to get this." Santana hit the answer button and put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

" _I called you three times."_ Brittany snapped.

"Yeah, and I'm on a date."

" _I'm at the hospital with Ava."_

"What?" Santana inhaled sharply, feeling panic rise up in her and instantly feeling bad for ignoring the calls. "What happened?"

" _She was jumping on the bed and she fell off. Just…can you get here?"_

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"So was that the call?" Wendy asked, looking forlorn. "Not having a good time, so you have to go?"

"No, Wendy, I promise, it's not like that at all and I'll totally make this up to you, I swear." Santana stood up, putting on her coat and leaning over to kiss Wendy's cheek. "Ava's in the hospital. I just have to go."

Santana tossed her credit card at their waiter, telling him to put whatever Wendy wanted on the bill and then she raced out of the restaurant and to get her car from the valet. She had never been so glad in her life that there wasn't traffic as she sped, weaving in and out of lanes, to the hospital. When she got there, the receptionist directed her to the emergency room and she found Brittany sitting on the side of a small bed holding Ava's hand as the little girl clutched her arm to her chest sobbing. Santana's heart broke, thinking of how much Ava had already been through and she hated the fact that she hadn't been there to help right away.

"They haven't seen her yet?" Santana demanded, looking between Ava and Brittany.

"Aunt Santana, my arm hurts." Ava cried.

"They're really backed up tonight, apparently Valentine's Day is a big night in the ER with s-e-x injuries."

"Oh, fuck that. Someone's going to see her, and they're going to see her now."

Leaving Brittany and Ava behind the curtain, Santana stormed off to find a doctor. When she came across an intern, she threatened his life and then dragged him to Ava's little cubicle. He looked stunned, but Santana didn't care. She wasn't going to let her niece cry in pain while other people were being treated and she hovered over the intern as he inspected Ava's arm.

"That hurts!" She screamed as he touched her and Santana felt Brittany hold the back of her dress as she went to lunge toward him.

"It looks like we're going to have to take some really cool pictures of the inside of your arm." The intern told Ava. "Have you ever seen your bones before?"

"Nuh uh."

"Well I'm going to take you down to the x-ray room and then we'll check it out."

Santana and Brittany both stayed by Ava's side as she was x-rayed, Brittany telling Santana that she had called Cassidy's mom to watch JJ after Ava fell. Santana was completely impatient as they waited for the results of the x-rays, but then another doctor, one who looked much older than the intern, came in to tell them that it looked like Ava was going to need surgery. Shaken up, Santana held back her tears and looked at Brittany, who nodded to the doctor confirming that they consented to it. Ava screamed and yelled as she was wheeled away from Brittany and Santana, but they kept promising her that she was going to be fine, that she was going to go to sleep for a little while and they'd be waiting for her as soon as she was done.

"This is all my fault." Santana lamented, sinking down into a chair in the waiting room. "I'm the one who let her jump on the bed when you kept telling her no."

"It's not your fault." Brittany shook her head, though Santana could almost tell that she was itching to say _I told you so_. "Kids jump on beds, you can't blame yourself."

"She's having surgery, Brittany. She's just a baby, she's lost her parents this year and now she's in there scared and alone. And I didn't answer your calls because I was annoyed at you that you were interrupting my stupid date."

"Look, are we going to do this self-pity thing all night? Because I'm exhausted and honestly don't have the energy for it. It's no one's fault, Santana. Leave it at that."

"You're scared."

"Of course I'm scared. I'm terrified. She's in there having surgery and there's nothing I can do to keep her safe. All of my rules and routines don't matter."

"They matter." Santana murmured. "You're the one keeping order in the house while I'm just…trying to keep my head above water."

"I'm trying to keep my head above water too, you know. I don't sleep at night, all I do is think about how we lost them and how much it hurts. I just…really try not to show it."

"You've always been the stronger one."

"Not showing it doesn't make me strong, it makes me scared." Tears glistened in Brittany's eyes. "It's like, if I start crying, I'm never going to stop. I know you were closer to them than I was…"

"They loved you, Brittany. When I went there after we broke up, Cass made it clear that they weren't picking sides, that you were always going to be just as important in their lives as I was. That you were Ava's aunt and they loved you just as much as they loved me."

"She said that?"

"She did. I was pretty pissed at her for it, to be honest, but she made it work. I think…if they'd chosen someone to raise the kids after we broke up, it would have been you. I was always dependent on Cassidy to be my rock when things were falling apart after…I knowyou were the one who would plan things with the kids and actually be a better friend than I was."

"I wouldn't know what to do with Ava if you weren't around. JJ is easy, he's just a baby and he's not grieving like Ava is, but you get her. She's really only calm when you're around. That's why I needed you here tonight."

"I hardly even comforted her. I was so pissed about the doctors taking so long to get to her." Santana sighed.

"She knows that's how you love people. You were able to get that intern when I couldn't and you'll be there when she wakes up." Brittany yawned.

"You really are tired. Do you want to…borrow my shoulder and sleep for a little while?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea."

"It's just a shoulder, Brittany. I don't bite."

Brittany debated for a few seconds before she leaned her head on Santana's shoulder and promptly fell asleep. It always impressed Santana how she could sleep anywhere and she tried not to move once Brittany was sleeping. She had to push down her feelings about the situation, reminding herself that it was just a shoulder, it was just…a friend offering a friend some comfort when things weren't going well. She tried not to think of all the times on the Cheerios bus in high school where Brittany slept like that, all the times on the subway after they'd gotten to New York, all the things that reminded her of the feelings she shouldn't still be having. She was still mad at Brittany for their breakup, that was for sure, but she also just hadn't been able to put aside the feelings she had, no matter how much time had passed.

When the doctor came out a few hours later, Santana gently shook Brittany awake. Brittany stood up quickly, not meeting Santana's eyes, probably regretting the fact that they'd just done that, and they followed the doctor back to the recovery room. Ava looked so small in the hospital bed and her eyes were still closed. Santana walked to the side of the bed and picked up her little hand. Slowly, Ava blinked her eyes open and she whimpered out in pain.

"Aunt Santana?"

"I'm here, honey."

"Aunt Brittany?"

"I'm here too."

"I want to go home."

"Just a little while longer and the doctor will come tell us we can take you home." Santana promised. "So soon."

Once the doctor signed the discharge papers, Santana helped Brittany get Ava into her car. It was tough getting her in the car seat because of the cast on her arm and she screamed as they were getting her in. Santana felt really bad about leaving her, but she had to go back to her own car, she had to drive home. She followed behind Brittany home and when they got in the driveway, Santana jumped out of the car and went to Brittany's. Ava screamed again and Santana carried her inside, bringing her upstairs so they could change her into her pajamas and get her into bed. Brittany stayed behind for a few minutes to talk to Cassidy's mom and thank her for staying with JJ, but Santana was so wrapped up in Ava that she couldn't even thank her. Santana got her settled into the bed and sat on the edge, stroking her hair until she fell asleep.

"I didn't thank you for coming tonight." Brittany stood in the doorway. "Or apologize for interrupting your date."

"It was Ava, I wasn't not going to come." Santana shrugged. "It's whatever. I'm going to check on JJ."

"Alright. Goodnight, Santana."

"Goodnight, Brittany."


	4. March

**March:**

Ava's arm was healing right on schedule, but Santana had taken quite a few days off of work to take care of her before she could go back to school. In exchange for it, she promised her boss that she'd work late one night a week for the next month. She didn't like not having dinner and being there for bedtime with the kids but Brittany had agreed to have them alone for one night a week and Santana couldn't exactly say no to her boss after she'd been so accommodating to Santana with all of the working from home and the time off.

One night that Santana was stuck at work late would have been Cassidy's birthday. All day, Santana was preoccupied with the idea that she probably would have been watching the kids that night so John could take Cassidy out, how they would have done something over the weekend—one night with her, one night with Brittany—but most of all, how her friend shouldn't be dead because she was so young and she was supposed to have her whole life ahead of her. She was supposed to watch her kids grow up, she was supposed to be there to be in Santana's wedding when she finally found someone that she could ever possibly love as much as she loved Brittany, she was just…supposed to live.

Santana found herself crying in the car as she finally drove home at eight o'clock at night. Sobs wracked her body in the Midtown Tunnel and she felt like she was going to explode. It had actually been a really stressful day of work and that, coupled with the grief she was feeling just made her break down. She had to focus on the road ahead of her and she managed to wipe her eyes, stop her chest from heaving and just drive. When she pulled in the driveway, the lights were off in the kids' rooms and she crept into the house. She expected that Brittany would have gone upstairs herself, but instead, she found her sprawled out on the couch with a glass of wine and the bottle on the coffee table.

"Britt…any. Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine." Brittany slurred. "Just fine that Cass is dead and it would have been her birthday."

"Are you drunk?" Santana picked up the bottle and realized that most of it was gone.

"'S none of your business. You're not the boss of me."

"I'm not trying to be the boss of you, I'm just trying to make sure you're okay."

"No, I'm not okay." Brittany started to cry. "I haven't been okay since they died."

"I…me neither." Santana wasn't sure what else to say, so she just commiserated with her.

"You can finish the wine if you want."

"I'm good. If I drink, I'm not going to be able to function."

"I don't want to function. I just want to curl up and disappear tonight. I didn't want to take care of the kids, I didn't want to have to answer calls from everyone who knew her, I just wanted to be by myself and not feel anything."

"Brittany." Santana didn't move closer to her, though she really wanted to. "I really didn't know you were feeling this bad."

"We're not exactly friends."

"No. But…we're _something_. If we have to be part of each other's lives, you may as well know that you can come to me. Your wellbeing is the kid's wellbeing and if you're having this hard of a time…"

"I don't want to have a serious conversation tonight." Brittany shook her head. "I just want to be drunk and feel like nothing hurts."

"Brittany—"

"Leave me alone, Santana."

Santana didn't want to leave Brittany alone, even though she may have wanted it that way, so she turned on the TV and just tried to appear like she was paying serious attention to what was going on with whatever show was on. Santana completely understood how Brittany felt, how she hurt so badly that she just wanted to black out, but that didn't mean she thought that it was a great idea. She worried about what Brittany would be like in the morning, she worried about whether she'd be able to sleep from sadness. She just worried, even though she knew she had no right. Brittany wasn't her problem, Brittany didn't want to be her problem, but still, old habits died hard and just sharing a space with her made Santana feel like she had…some kind of right.

Eventually, Santana got so tired that she left Brittany sprawled out on the couch and went upstairs. Brittany hardly said goodnight to her and Santana sighed heavily. Maybe it would have been easier getting through the death of John and Cassidy if they'd had each other to lean on, but they were both alone in the world, just trying to get by. Santana peeked into Ava's room and saw her laying with her arm above the comforter. She tucked it a little further up to her chin and then kissed her on the forehead, murmuring goodnight. When she went into JJ's room, she saw him asleep on his stomach in his crib and she felt tears spring to her eyes, realizing that he would never remember his parents, that she and Brittany would be the only thing he ever knew. She brushed his soft dark hair away from his face and rubbed his back before retiring to her own bedroom.

She woke up to Ava standing at the side of her bed, like she usually did, and she pulled back the covers so she could crawl in. Looking at the clock, she knew that she still had a half an hour before she had to get up and she enjoyed her morning snuggles with the little girl. When JJ started to cry in his crib, she went to get him and carried him down the stairs with Ava trailing behind to start breakfast. Getting down there, she saw that Brittany had passed out on the couch and she took a deep breath. She probably shouldn't have left her down there the night before, but what was she going to do? She just put JJ in his high chair and started making eggs. She knew Brittany was going to be hurting after how much wine she'd drank, but she was an adult and Santana had to let her do her own thing.

"Why's Aunt Brittany sleepin' on the couch?" Ava asked.

"I think she was super tired last night, kiddo." Santana answered, filling JJ's cup with milk and getting Ava some juice. "We'll let her sleep for a little while and I'll drive you guys to school today."

It was one of the days that Santana was working from home, so she dropped Ava at school and JJ at daycare and when she came home, Brittany was sitting up on the couch with her head in her hands. Santana wasn't sure she should say anything, so she just went into the kitchen with her laptop and started to work. Brittany stumbled into the kitchen looking for coffee and Santana pointed to the pot.

"I'm sorry." Brittany murmured. "It's late."

"You had a rough night, don't worry about it."

"I called in sick to work. I'm just going to go up to my bedroom and die for a little while and then I'll get the kids this afternoon and make dinner."

"It's fine, if you don't feel up to it, I'll be done with what I have to do by four o'clock, I can get them."

"Did I talk to you last night?"

"Not really. You told me you didn't want to have a serious conversation."

"I didn't." Brittany shook her head. "I still don't."

"That's fine, we don't have to."

While Brittany went upstairs, Santana sat at her computer making calls. One of her clients had a big movie premiere coming up and she was working to clean up her image a little. It was a kids' movie and the actress had partied a little too hard, meaning Santana had a lot to do before the premier to make sure she looked squeaky clean. It just seemed like no matter what Santana did, the starlet would do something to counteract all of her work and it made her want to scream. But she was getting something done at least, she wasn't thinking about Brittany sleeping upstairs, not really at least. Around one though, Brittany came back downstairs, looking like she'd just showered and Santana looked up from her computer screen.

"I'm going to order a burger. Do you want one?"

"Yeah, I guess I may as well eat. I'll have—"

"Cheeseburger with mushrooms, onions and bacon?"

"Uh huh." Santana smiled a little, surprised that Brittany still remembered her order. "Let me get my wallet."

"It's fine, I got it. Tuesday is my morning with the kids and you took over, the least I can do is buy you lunch."

"Well thanks."

Santana went back to work while she waited for the food to come and Brittany put away the breakfast dishes. It was so odd for them to occupy the same space but be so emotionally distant, but they were doing what they had to do to get by. When the food arrived, Santana closed her laptop and pushed it to the center of the table while Brittany unpacked the bag, passing Santana her burger and fries. She sat down across from her and they ate in silence for several minutes.

"I didn't mean to get that drunk last night." Brittany finally spoke. "I just…wanted to not think."

"I get it. The first week they were gone, I spent half of it with a bottle of wine in my bed. It just sucks and it doesn't feel like it's getting any easier. Ava's still crying all the time, I'm still trying not to cry all the time. I don't know."

"I'm thinking about going to grief counseling."

"Really?" Santana asked, surprised Brittany would confess that to her. "That's totally not for me."

"Yeah, I know. I know how you are…well, were." Brittany looked off into the distance. "I'm just trying to figure out where I'm going to fit it in with everything else."

"If it's something you need to do, just tell me when and I'll deal with all of the kid stuff."

"I don't expect you to do that."

"I know, but we have to be partners, Britt. I mean, Brittany. Sorry. Habit."

"It's fine. We're clearly not living by the rules we set forth in the beginning."

"To be fair, I didn't set the rules." Santana laughed a little.

"Don't make me laugh, I have such a killer headache."

"Listen, if we're breaking the rules, I have to ask you something. I have this movie premiere next month that I want to take the kids to, it's for the new Pixar movie and I didn't know if you wanted to come with us…"

"I don't know, Santana. That sounds like a bad idea."

"It's just a movie…"

"And last month it was just me sleeping on your shoulder in the hospital. I feel like the more we do the _it's just,_ the stickier it gets. I don't want things to be sticky, I just want to function in the same space as you."

"Because you can't resist my undeniable sexual magnetism?"

"Shut up." Brittany laughed, holding her head as she winced. "We didn't work, Santana. When we start blurring the lines between raising the kids together and being involved in each other, someone is going to get hurt."

"It's not a marriage proposal." Santana blurted out, though she felt like a knife was stabbed into her heart the moment she said it. "Look, it's fine, you can have the night off and I'll take the kids to the thing, but I think Ava would like it if you came."

"Let me think about it, okay?"

"Okay, yeah."


	5. April

**April:**

Santana wasn't surprised when Brittany ultimately ended up saying yes to the premiere. She knew that because things were so weird with Ava suspecting that they didn't like each other that Brittany wouldn't make it more complicated. It wasn't like Santana was asking Brittany to be her date anyway, she was just asking her to tag along with the kids and see a movie which she knew that Brittany would really like. That was one thing when they were dating, Brittany always dragged Santana to every new Disney and Pixar movie—and some DreamWorks movies too—and she knew that Brittany would end up taking Ava to see it again if she didn't come with them to the premiere. That's why she'd invited her…at least that's what she kept telling herself.

The whole afternoon before they were set to leave, Brittany was at work. They were going to end up taking separate cars into the city because she'd get out late and Santana had to get there to make sure that her client stayed away from the bar and put on her most wholesome persona in front of the cameras. Maybe it wasn't going to be the easiest with two kids, but she was convinced that she could do it, convinced that this working parent thing wasn't as hard as she initially made it out to be. So she picked up Ava at school and JJ at daycare and she got them dressed in the outfits she'd picked out for them before putting on her own business attire and loading them into the car. Ava finally had her cast off, so it was much easier putting her in the car seat, and Santana set out, knowing there was going to be traffic.

"Aunt Santana, can I have popcorn at the movies?"

"If they have popcorn, you most definitely can have some."

"Can I have ice cream?"

"Um…you're going to have to check with Aunt Brittany on that one."

"But you always let me have ice cream."

"I know, and Aunt Brittany says it's bad for your teeth to do that. I think she might be right."

"But you eat ice cream and you have pretty teeth."

"Smooth talking ain't gonna get you anywhere, kid." Santana laughed. "I also don't complain every night and every morning about having to brush my teeth."

"I don't _always_ complain."

"Listen, Aves, we've gotta work with Aunt Brittany on some of the rules. I can't always be the one letting you break them. I'm one of the adults too."

"But you're funner than Aunt Brittany!"

"Hey." Santana sighed, even though she knew it was kind of true. "Aunt Brittany is doing a lot for you and I think you need to start being a little nicer to her."

"Is she your girlfriend again? Are you going to kiss?"

"She's not my girlfriend. But we're trying to get along, just like I promised you."

"So now I can't have ice cream?" Ava grumbled.

"You can still have ice cream, just not all of the time."

"But you won't get shrinky?"

"I won't get shrinky."

Santana parked the car in a garage near the theater and unbuckled Ava before she lifted JJ into her arms. Ava complained the whole walk to the theater that she was cold and Santana tried not to roll her eyes, thinking that if she just would have put the tights on that she'd asked her to, she wouldn't be so cold. She made her promise to stay close to her as she dealt with her client, threatening the young actress with her life if she so much as touched one drink at the bar. She'd just managed to get her onto the red carpet when Brittany arrived wearing a gown that very much contrasted with the suit Santana had picked out to wear since she didn't exactly get to dress up whenever she was invited to premieres. She tried not to stare at Brittany as she sauntered toward her, knowing that it was a very real possibility that her mouth was agape.

"Is this okay?" Brittany tugged on her dress. "I didn't know you were wearing work clothes."

"Well I'm working, so…" Santana shook her head. "Anyway, you look great."

"I've never been to a movie premiere before."

"Yeah, I kind of started having to go to these things…after."

"I always knew you were going to be a big deal…" Brittany trailed off and Santana took a deep breath. It was really hard thinking about the line that was drawn between them but it was also harder smudging it.

"You did?"

"Santana, you were always so devoted to being great. I know you wanted to be an actress at one point, but I think a publicist is a good fit for you. You're good at making other people look good."

" _Me?"_

"I know you pretend you don't have a heart, but…"

"Prominent New York publicist Santana Lopez." One of the reporters called out to her. "Can we get a picture with you and your family?"

"Oh, this isn't…." She trailed off, unsure of how to even classify what the four of them were. "Yeah, if it's okay with Brittany, sure."

They posed for the camera, a cavernous gap between Santana and Brittany as she shifted JJ on her hip and Ava cheesed for the cameras. The photographer showed her the picture and she had one of those what if moments. What if she'd actually been able to propose to Brittany when she'd planned? What if she was there with her wife and their own kid? What if everything didn't get so messed up that they weren't there as barely friends with their dead best friends' kids? It was a lot for her to handle, so she stepped back and handed JJ to Brittany.

"Santana, how long have you been with your wife?" One of the reporters called out and Santana bit her lip.

"She's not my wife."

"Girlfriend then."

"Not my girlfriend either…she's just…a friend." _Goddamnit_ she muttered under her breath, not realizing that she was actually prominent enough in her career that people actually gave a shit about her personal life. "I'm going to run to the bathroom, can you take them to the seats?"

"Yeah, uh huh." Brittany looked dazed. "Go ahead."

Once she got to the bathroom, Santana spent a long time there just staring at herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure why she had to look at herself like that, but she just did. When she finally managed to pull herself together, she went to their seats and found Ava bouncing around and JJ playing with a toy that Brittany kept in her purse. Neither her nor Brittany said anything, they just waited for the lights to dim and the movie to start. It was easier that way, it was easier not talking about everything that was between them, and for the first time, Santana thought that maybe Brittany was right that it was a bad idea for her to come to the premiere.

"Aunt Santana." Ava leaned over when Santana got back from the bathroom. "You forgot to get my popcorn."

"I'll get it." Brittany offered and maybe it was wishful thinking, but Santana kind of thought that maybe she needed some air and some space too.

"Let me give you some money."

"It's fine, I got it."

"But I'm the one who promised it to her."

"Santana, seriously, it's not a big deal." Brittany handed JJ over to Santana and stood up.

Santana nodded, figuring it would be ridiculous to have an argument with Brittany over who paid for the popcorn and she sat back in her seat, listening to Ava chatter away. She was really excited about the movie, she was really excited about the popcorn and listening to Ava talk sort of calmed her down. She couldn't believe how anxious she was about absolutely nothing and she had to remind herself that nothing was ever going to happen between her and Brittany, they were done, their relationship was dead, they'd both made a choice to do this together and it seemed wholly unnecessary to complicate things. When Brittany came back, she handed Santana a box of Milk Duds and Santana was actually surprised that she remembered she liked them.

"Thanks, they're my favorite."

"I know. I figured since you pulled some strings to get us invited here, the least I could do was buy you some candy."

When the movie was over, Brittany took the kids home and Santana stayed behind, watching her starlet like a hawk every time she drifted closer to the bar. Because she was on babysitting duty, she couldn't even have a drink herself, and by the time she got the actress into a car to go home, she was exhausted. She went to her own car and just sat looking at the wall in front of where she parked for a good ten minutes. She hoped that Brittany would be up in her room when she got home, she hoped that she wouldn't have to interact with her because she wasn't sure she could. Something about that picture really set her off and she just needed time and space to process it.

Unfortunately, she didn't get her wish. Brittany was on the couch watching a re-run of _Friends_ when she came in and Santana went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She stood at the sink, filling and refilling her glass as she kept drinking it down, maybe in an effort to wash away the evening. She couldn't really understand why everything had to feel so complicated, she should have been over Brittany, she shouldn't have had any sort of weird feelings toward her, but the more time she spent with her, the more she realized that she was still utterly in love with her. When she heard footsteps behind her, she froze, and when she turned, Brittany was standing there.

"Ava had a really good time tonight. She talked about it the whole way home, and then the whole time I was trying to get her to bed."

"Did she cry?"

"She actually didn't." Brittany smiled. "Sometimes I think you spoil her, but then I think sometimes that it's working."

"To be fair, I didn't let her have ice cream tonight."

"That's true, you didn't."

"I also told her that she needs to be nicer to you."

"You did?"

"I did." Santana nodded. "I don't want it to be unnecessarily harder on you."

"Well thank you for that. It's not easy being the strict parent."

"It's not easy being a parent period."

"John and Cass obviously thought we could do it though. And they were probably the best parents there ever were."

"They really were good. Remember when Ava was born and John paraded her through the hospital?" Santana smiled at the memory.

"He just wanted everyone to know that he was a dad. I don't think I've ever seen a dad like that."

"It makes me so sad to think about them…"

"Me too, but I think about them every day. Ava already reminds me so much of Cass."

"She's sassier than Cass." Santana laughed. "But I think because she looks just like her she feels like a miniature."

"Do you ever think about JJ?"

"All the time. I can't believe he won't remember them and we're going to be the only parents he knows."

"We'll tell him about them though."

"We will." Santana purses her lips. "Anyway, did you like the movie?"

"You know I always love Pixar. Was the rest of the night a nightmare?"

"Hannah kept getting closer and closer to the bar. She makes it almost impossible to craft a good image of her when she keeps getting up to her party girl antics."

"She's young. Remember—never mind."

"Yeah, let's not."

"Are you mad at me or something? You seem…I don't know."

"I'm fine, I'm just tired."

"I'll let you go to bed then."

"Yeah…thanks." Santana turned away, then turned back, looking at Brittany's sunken smile. "Hey, thanks for coming tonight."

"It was a really good night."


	6. May

**May:**

After the premiere, Santana made extra effort to keep her distance from Brittany. She still ate breakfast and dinner with the kids but after they were in bed, she watched TV in her room. Her feelings were way too complicated and she knew that Brittany no longer reciprocated them so she just didn't want to put herself in an uncomfortable situation. She couldn't imagine how she was going to survive this for another seventeen years and she wondered what would happen when one of them met someone and decided to get married. Would they have shared custody of the kids? Would she have to live with Brittany and her husband or wife? She started going back to her initial reaction to the new that John and Cassidy left the kids to them, that this was a terrible idea.

An argument between them came over Ava's ballet recital. Santana had a meeting that she absolutely couldn't miss at work and Brittany snapped at her that Ava's recital was more important and it was absolutely something she couldn't miss either. But Santana felt like her hands were tied and she told Brittany that she wouldn't be able to make it. Brittany was chilly to her for two weeks and Santana couldn't even be bothered to care. She felt terrible about doing that to Ava, but it was also easier for her to deal with Brittany when she wasn't trying to be friends. She still kept her end of her promise to Brittany, taking the kids when she went to grief counseling, but other than that, they barely interacted.

"Aunt Santana, you really can't come to my recital?" Ava pouted as she helped her get dressed for school.

"I'm sorry, kiddo. I have a meeting at work that I have to go to. But I'm sure Aunt Brittany will take lots of videos for me."

"That's not the same! You won't get to see me all dressed up for reals."

"I know, Aves. I really wish I could come, but I promise you, next year I'll be there."

"Next year's not even the same! I hate your dumb work!"

"Ava, you know you're not supposed to say hate."

"I don't care! I do hate it! You should be coming to my dance instead!"

"You know I want to be there more than anything."

"That's not true, if you did, you wouldn't go to work."

Because it was Brittany's day to drop the kids off, Santana kissed Ava, who was still mad, and JJ and got in her car to go to work. The whole day, she felt absolutely awful about the fact that she wasn't going to make it to the recital and she stewed in her office, wishing there was some way she didn't have to disappoint everyone. Just as she was getting ready for her meeting that evening, she looked down at her phone and saw that she had a text message from Brittany. It was a picture of Ava in her tutu and ballet shoes and the message that followed said _She asked me to send you this. She said she wishes you were here._

Santana looked at the time on her phone and she knew that she could make it there if she rushed. For all her protests about her work meeting, she was hit with the realization that none of it mattered if she disappointed Ava. So she went into her boss' office and she lied. Never once in her life had she lied at work, but that time, she felt like there was no other option. She gave him the flash drive with her presentation and she told him that she wasn't feeling well. She was surprised that he didn't even argue with her, he just told her to go home and get some rest and she breathed a sigh of relief.

Sitting in traffic, Santana thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. If she left work early and didn't actually make it in time to see Ava, she would have felt more awful than she already did. But luckily, traffic lightened up and she made it with enough time to stop and pick out flowers for her little dancer. She felt like she had some making up to her to do, because she'd made her think she wasn't going to come, and even if Brittany argued with her about it, she was going to take her out for ice cream when it was over.

When she got into the auditorium, she was surprised to see that there was an open seat next to where Brittany sat with JJ on her lap. Santana watched for a few moments as Brittany chattered away to JJ and it actually made her feel even more guilty, seeing how devoted Brittany was to these kids. Santana was trying, really, but she just didn't think she was ever going to be as good of a parent as Brittany was. Quietly, she sank down into the seat and Brittany turned around to look at her. Several beats passed where they didn't say anything, with Brittany just cocking her head to the side and looking at Santana.

"I knew you would come." She said. "That's why I saved you a seat."

"How did you know?"

"Because I know you love that kid more than anything. I remember how over the moon you were when she was born, and I just had a sneaking suspicion that you wouldn't let a meeting get in the way of you seeing her first dance recital."

"I almost did."

"She's going to be really happy that you're here."

"So are you done being pissed at me?"

"I'm still a little pissed it took you this long to figure out that this was really important to her, but you did, so that's what matters."

"I honestly don't know who was more mad, you or Ava."

"It was probably me, but when Ava told me that she was mad, I told her she shouldn't be mad at you."

"You didn't have to do that. I deserved it."

"You did." Brittany shook her head. "But she's a kid, she needs to know about forgiveness."

Santana watched with rapt attention as Ava danced on stage. At her age, it was nothing fancy, but she beamed up there, making Santana smile from ear to ear. She had no idea that Santana was in the audience and she wondered if it made her hurt inside thinking she didn't show up, but she was there, it was okay. When the show was over, Santana took JJ from Brittany and they went back into the room where the kids were waiting. Ava saw Santana and she launched herself at her, almost making Santana drop the baby as she flew in her direction. Brittany stepped in and took JJ, then knelt down to hug Ava as well.

"Aunt Brittany! You and Aunt Santana _both_ got me flowers! My room is going to be so beautiful! And Aunt Santana came! She really came!"

"She did, didn't she?" Brittany smiled, looking at Santana out of the corner of her eye. "You did a great job!"

"I'm gonna keep dancing and be _just like you."_ Ava proclaimed, spinning in a circle. Santana knew that Brittany was surprised, that she usually said that she wanted to be like Santana, but Brittany's reaction made her really happy. Despite everything, she really wanted Brittany to be happy, even if they couldn't be happy together.

They took Ava out for ice cream and even Brittany didn't argue about it. Santana shared her cone with JJ and Brittany maybe looked at her a little disapprovingly, but she didn't say anything. Santana sort of felt like everything was forgiven and she felt a little better about herself. Maybe she didn't totally deserve to be absolved after making everyone think she was a selfish asshole, but it still felt good that they had forgiven her.

It took a while to settle them down when they got home and Santana knew that the morning was going to be rough. Once she put Ava to bed, she walked down the hall to JJ's room and she stood outside, hearing Brittany dance around the room with him like she did every night. When she peeked in, it sort of took her breath away, seeing Brittany there rocking a baby in her arms with tears in her eyes. Whenever she felt alone in her grief, she didn't think about how Brittany was feeling it too, but like the night of Cass' birthday, that was a moment where she saw it.

"I know it's rough, little guy, but I'm really trying. You're not going to remember your mom and dad and I want you to know that you're going to have a good, happy life. Aunt Santana and I are going to make sure of it and I'm going to do everything in my power to be the best mom I can possibly be. I definitely didn't plan for this, but we're making it work, right?"

Feeling like she was intruding on something way too intimate, Santana stepped away from the door and went into her own room. She took a deep breath, went to her room to change into her pajamas and then she decided to go downstairs to watch TV. She'd just settled into the couch and turned on Food Network when she heard footsteps on the stairs but she tried not to turn her attention away from the television and onto Brittany.

"Are you in trouble at work?" Brittany asked, coming into the living room in a sweatshirt and yoga pants.

"I faked sick. I couldn't handle the idea of disappointing her."

"That's why I was so concerned about you not coming. I know how you are. I know that you beat yourself up when you make a choice that hurts someone else."

"Cass wouldn't have had to think about it."

"You're not Cass, Santana." Brittany sat down next to her, clearly conscious of keeping her distance from Santana. "But you're really good with the kids."

"Not as good as you. I think this comes much more naturally to you than it does to me."

"Are you kidding me? I had to read all of those parenting books to even have a clue. I always figured…never mind."

"What?" Santana raised an eyebrow, though she didn't know that she wanted to hear what Brittany had to say.

"Nothing…never mind."

"Okay. She was really good, by the way. Do you think you're going to move her to your studio?"

"That's not a decision I'm going to make on my own."

"I give you full permission to make all dance related decisions for Ava. And for JJ too, if he decides to dance." Santana grins, making Brittany smile. "I didn't ask you, how is grief counseling going?"

"It's helping." Brittany shrugged. "I'm glad I'm going. If you wanted to—"

"I don't. It's just not for me, but it's cool that it's working for you."

"I guess I should let you be. I just wanted to come down here and thank you for showing up."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to. I'm just watching _Chopped,_ I know you used to like it."

"I still do." Brittany sat down and Santana moved over to give her some space. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"I know you don't like when I say _it's just,_ but it's just a TV show."

"I'm actually going to make some popcorn." Brittany jumped up. "I'll be right back."

Brittany jumped up off the couch and Santana paused the show. She checked her messages on her phone, seeing one from Wendy that she quickly responded to. Because everything had been so hectic with work and the kids, she still hadn't had time to make up that cut-short date to her, but they texted fairly regularly and still flirted at work. Santana was definitely into her, but she realized that when Brittany was close by, it was hard to think about that. With a sigh, she pulled her legs up under her on the couch and leaned back, staring at the frozen image of Ted Allen on the screen. When Brittany came back, she grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around herself before setting the bowl of popcorn between them to offer some up to Santana. Everything was fine until their hands brushed over the bowl and Santana felt sparks shoot up her arm. It was just a normal static shock, but she felt like it was a weird kind of sign and she couldn't figure out exactly what it was telling her.

"I think I should go to bed." Brittany stood up not long after that.

"Even before the dessert round? How are you going to miss the dessert round?"

"Your stellar logic definitely convinced me." She laughed, sitting back down. "So who do you think is going to win?"


	7. June

**June:**

Santana wasn't sure how to navigate her recently developed…friendship with Brittany. After Ava's dance recital, they ended up on the couch together a lot of nights just watching TV and catching up on their days. Santana figured that if they were going to live together for the next seventeen years, they could at least be friends. It was a total shift from her logic a month earlier, but she'd reached the point where she just wanted to be friends with her ex-girlfriend. There was a lot of history between them and it sucked, but actually having another adult who understood their weird situation was helpful and she really felt like they were developing into some kind of power team.

Their ten year high school reunion was coming up. Having spoken about it one night after dinner, they both realized that they RSVPed to the event and they both had plans to head back to Lima. Because it was a family friendly event, they didn't have to worry about bringing the kids and they decided that it would just make the most sense if they shared a hotel in Ohio and brought Ava and JJ together. Had someone told Santana that was going to be happening only a few months earlier, she never would have believed it, but things were changing. They'd navigated the movie premiere—even if it sort of sent Santana down a weird spiral—so they could definitely handle a bunch of the losers from their high school.

Ava was beyond excited to be going on an airplane. Santana had forgotten that she'd never been on one before and she totally hyped it up before they were set to travel. Brittany had packed a suitcase for the kids, so Santana just had to worry about her own things and because she didn't have enough to do, she started to get nervous. She was going to go to a high school reunion where everyone had known her and Brittany as a couple, she and Brittany were going to share a hotel room, what were the odds that they could make it through without things getting weird? She thought probably next to nothing, considering they'd actually been named—in spite of all the homophobia—couple most likely to stay together at McKinley so why wouldn't people assume they were still together ten years later? It was bound to get sticky and Santana found herself getting more and more concerned the closer it got.

For the entire plane ride, JJ cried. It managed to get Santana's mind off of anything regarding Brittany while she walked up and down the aisle trying to get him to fall asleep so he wouldn't shriek. She'd read about people who brought gifts for the people who sat near them on the plane with kids, but neither she nor Brittany had thought about that, so they pretty much just pissed off their neighbors with a screaming kid and Ava, who thought it was okay to keep shouting at JJ to stop crying. By the time they got off the plane, Santana felt like she was going to pull her hair out and she couldn't drive to their hotel fast enough.

"You okay?" Brittany asked Santana, once JJ and Ava were both napping in the hotel room.

"Just a little frazzled." She shrugged. "You?"

"The same, I guess. I didn't really think about how much harder it is to travel with kids."

"I think I'd like to…not do this ever again."

"We still have the way back."

"How much is it frowned on to give a kid sleeping pills?"

"Santana." Brittany laughed.

"I'm just saying, it would make everyone's life better."

"True, but we're still not doing it. Look, about tonight…"

"I know, it's going to be weird with everyone else, but can we just not make it weird between us?"

"I'd really like that idea." Santana nodded. "We're just getting to a good place."

"We're friends." Brittany affirmed and Santana realized that it actually felt good to hear her say that.

"Friends."

"I didn't think we'd ever get here."

"Well, circumstances kind of pushed us together, didn't they?" Santana took a breath. "At least Cass and John would have been happy about that. And by the way, anyone who makes it weird is going to witness me go all Lima Heights."

"Please don't in front of the kids."

"No promises."

Before the kids woke up, Brittany and Santana took turns in the bathroom getting ready for the reunion. Santana was determined to look as hot as possible, not wanting anyone from high school to think that she'd lost it in ten years. She deliberately wasn't friends with anyone she'd gone to school with on Facebook so she got to make exactly the impression she wanted to make when she wanted to make it. When Brittany came out of the bathroom all dressed, Santana kind of thought that she was trying to do the same thing and once again she had to make an effort not to stare at her. Things were already weird enough, she didn't need to make them weirder by ogling Brittany.

Once the kids were up and dressed, they headed over to the restaurant where the reunion was being held. Brittany had JJ and she had Ava when they walked in and Santana made it a point to walk a few steps behind her, not wanting it to look like they were coming in together. Technically, they _were_ coming in together, but they weren't _together together,_ and considering they'd spent four years of high school being BrittanyandSantana, she felt like she had to specify with her body that it wasn't the case anymore. She'd made a deal with Brittany that it wasn't going to be weird and she had to do everything in her power to make sure she didn't let herself get lost in her head.

"Santana Lopez! Brittany Pierce!" Rachel Berry shrieked, upon seeing them enter and Santana rolled her eyes. "Or is it Lopez-Pierce, or Pierce-Lopez? Oh my God, your kids are so cute!"

"No! No!" JJ screamed, covering his ears.

"Aunt Santana, why is that lady yelling?"

"She just does that Aves, ignore her."

"It's hurting my ears." Ava complained, covering them up and making Santana laugh a little despite the awkwardness.

"It's neither Lopez-Pierce or Pierce-Lopez." Brittany corrected Rachel. "We're just friends."

"Oh, you're funny, Brittany. There's no way you both are just friends."

"She's serious, Berry." Santana rolled her eyes again. "Just friends."

"So why—"

"The answer is none of your business." She snapped, taking Ava's hand and walking away from Rachel.

It was apparently meant to be the theme for the whole night. Much like Santana suspected, everyone just kept assuming she and Brittany were still together and she finally got to the point where she went and sat at a different table just to avoid having to talk about it. As much as she wouldn't admit it to Brittany, it cut her deeply that they didn't work out and being reminded of it just made her want to scream. She'd bought a ring, she'd been ready to propose and if things would have just not gotten all messed up, they probably would have been at that stupid reunion as wives. So much for not being weird…

"Are you okay?" Kurt Hummel came up to her and asked, making Santana roll her eyes because seriously, she hadn't had a friendship with these people in a hundred years and everyone just seemed to encroach on her space. Maybe that was the point of reunions, maybe she shouldn't have come for that exact reason, but she was there and she had to deal with it. "Rachel told me about you and Brittany."

"Look, Lady Hummel, we broke up two years ago, this isn't like…some new thing."

"When Blaine and I broke up—"

"Can you not try to compare it? Until you and Blaine are living in the same house raising your dead best friends' kids together, you have no idea."

"I'm just trying to be nice to you."

"I know." Santana sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just everyone coming up to me and talking about my breakup is a totally unnecessary reminder of it. I don't feel like dealing with it."

Santana wanted to leave early, so she told Brittany to stay and that she'd take the kids back to the hotel and put them to bed. She didn't even wait for Brittany's response before she loaded them up in the rental car and drove back. Maybe she was a little mad at Brittany that they'd broken up, once the wounds felt fresh again, and she'd started regretting the fact that she'd decided to go to that stupid reunion in the first place. All of the best laid plans were sort of broken when Santana got into one of her dark places and hearing everyone say what a cute couple they were was actually painful for Santana. They were a cute couple, they should have still been a cute couple and as much as she appreciated her newfound friendship with Brittany, something about the whole night had really rubbed her the wrong way.

She put JJ down to sleep in the playpen and then she tucked Ava into the bed that she was sleeping in. Once she was asleep, Santana turned on the TV and scrolled mindlessly through the channels. She thought about going into the minibar and mixing a drink but since she was solely responsible for the kids, she decided against it. She'd just settled into an episode of _Frasier_ when she heard a key in the door. She went to grab the remote to turn off the TV and pretend she was asleep, but she had dropped it on the floor and by the time she found it, Brittany was already in the room.

"Hey. Were you okay? You totally ran out of there."

"Fine. Just wanted to get the kids to bed."

"Okay."

Brittany went into the bathroom to get ready for bed and Santana turned off the TV. She really just wanted to get back to New York where not everyone around them assumed that they were together. She heard Brittany come back out of the bathroom and get herself under the covers of her bed, and then she sighed heavily. There was a part of Santana that wanted to ask her what was going on, but another part just didn't want to know. Maybe Brittany had been right about the rules in the beginning, maybe if they had listened to them they wouldn't even be in this stupid hotel room feeling all uncomfortable because they had to see everyone from their past.

"Santana? Are you up?"

"Yeah, I'm up." She rolled over so she could see where Brittany was lying in bed in the low light.

"Did you leave because you were uncomfortable?"

"Yes." Santana admitted, as much as she didn't want to. "Just for the record, it still hurts me that we broke up. I know it was a long time ago and I should be over it, but I'm really not."

"Santana—"

"I don't want you to tell me that it was a long time ago and I should let it go. You really hurt me and it sucks."

"Santana—"

"I'm done talking about it. Goodnight."

"You said we weren't going to let it get weird."

"Yeah, well, maybe I overestimated myself. I felt weird. It's hard not to be weird when you feel that way."

"You're mistaken if you think it doesn't feel weird for me too."

"Well, I guess that's just what it is now."

"It doesn't have to be you know. We're past that."

"Just because we're _past that_ or whatever doesn't mean it doesn't suck to be reminded of what we could have been. We were most likely to stay together in high school and now look at us. Rachel Berry is still with Finn Hudson when they were like, totally destined to fail, but now here's us. Whatever, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Goodnight."


	8. July

**July:**

Sometimes for Santana, the whole Brittany situation felt like whiplash. After the reunion, they stopped watching TV together at night, they started following the rules again, they just co-parented without any of the weird stuff between them. Santana wasn't sure if it was good or bad, she wasn't sure if she loved it or hated it, she just kind of felt like nothing was ever going to be right as long as this was the situation they were in. And even still, she didn't think they'd be right being involved romantically, things were severely broken, mainly her heart, and she finally made plans to take Wendy out again, just wanting to get away from Brittany. She went on a bunch of dates, always on nights where she didn't pick the kids up at school and always on nights where she had already promised Ava the next night would be extra special.

Because it was summer vacation, when Santana worked from home, she stopped working early in order to get Ava from camp. Brittany had arranged her classes around getting her on the days that she couldn't and the afternoon after her date with Wendy, she was excited to see Ava since she hadn't seen her since the morning before. Before she got Ava, she picked JJ up at daycare and strapped him into his car seat, then drove to Ava's day camp. When she pulled up, she spotted Ava with her pigtails in the crowd and Santana smiled widely. Something about that kid just made her happy no matter how sad and mixed up she felt inside. Ava jumped up and down excitedly when she noticed Santana and the counselor opened up the door for her so she could get in the car. Santana leaned back and helped her with her buckle, then kissed her on the nose.

"I missed you, kiddo."

"I missed you too! I have to tell you all about all of the stuff I did at camp and then help you cook dinner! Are you staying home tonight?"

"I am, just like I promised."

"Do you have a new girlfriend, Aunt Santana? Are you gonna kiss her?"

"She's not quite my girlfriend, Aves, but I like hanging out with her."

"More than you like hanging out with me?"

"Never." Santana smiled, turning around the drive them home. "There's no one I'm ever going to like hanging out with more than I like hanging out with you."

"Aunt Santana?"

"Yeah."

"Georgianna got a dog. Can I get a dog?"

"Dog! Dog! Dog!" JJ yelled from his car seat, making Santana laugh every time he acquired a new word by listening to Ava.

"I think a dog is a lot of work, and neither Aunt Brittany or I have much time for that right now."

"Can we go to the dog store and just look at them? Mommy used to let me."

Those words always cut straight through Santana's heart and she couldn't say no. She was pretty sure, knowing Cassidy, that they went to the pound rather than a puppy store, so she looked up the closest animal shelter on her phone and drove there. Ava was singing happily in the back seat, making JJ laugh as she did, and it made Santana feel good to see the kids in such good spirits. She pulled into the parking lot and Ava yelled that it was the same place she went to with Cass, so Santana felt like she was absolutely doing the right thing. Sometimes it felt like everything she did was about keeping Cass and John alive for Ava, but deep within her heart of hearts, Santana felt like that was the most right thing she could possibly do.

"Look at this one! Look at this one!" Ava hung on the bars of one of the cages, where a small terrier lay on the floor. "Aunt Santana, she's so sad!"

"She does look pretty sad, doesn't she?" Santana shifted JJ on her hip and ruffled Ava's hair.

"If you tell the lady we want to play with her, we're allowed!"

"For ten minutes, okay? We have to go home and get started on dinner."

"Okay, ten whole minutes!"

The worker at the animal shelter took the dog out of the pen and she brought her into a little room. Santana told Ava not to put her face near the dog and she let JJ stand up, keeping a close eye on both of them in case the dog wasn't as nice as she seemed. But immediately after they settled down, the dog perked right up and she came over to Ava, licking her hand. Then, though Santana wasn't exactly a dog person, the dog came right over to her and licked her face, making her laugh in a way she hadn't expected. The dog was probably the sweetest thing she'd ever seen and the way Ava smiled just made Santana feel some kind of way.

"Aunt Santana! She loves us! She loves us!" Ava cried out as JJ took a fist full of the dog's fur and she laid down at his feet. "Please, please, please can we take her to our house?"

"Ava—"

"Please Aunt Santana? I want to keep her so, so bad! She's a good dog! And Aunt Brittany loves dogs!"

Looking at both Ava's face and the dog's face, Santana realized she couldn't say no. Maybe Brittany was right, she was absolutely powerless when it came to Ava, but Ava was also right, Brittany _did_ love dogs and she thought it would be perfectly fine if they brought this sweet girl home. She probably should have called her, but she knew she was at work anyway and wouldn't be able to answer. It would be fine, Santana figured, she'd deal with the repercussions, and before she knew it, she was signing papers. Once everything was finished, Ava was grinning from ear to ear as they put the dog in the backseat of the car between her and JJ and Santana really felt like she had made the best choice she could ever possibly make.

"I want to call her Daisy because that's like Daisy Duck!"

"Daisy." Santana laughed. "I like that."

"I'm going to help you walk her and feed her and cuddle her! She's mine, right Aunt Santana?"

"I think she's more like a family dog, Aves, since JJ might want to share her with you when he's a little bit bigger but she's definitely part yours."

"I can't wait to call Georgianna and tell her! Can I call her on the phone? Please, please?"

"You definitely can, but after we have dinner, okay?"

"Okay!"

Brittany was already home when they pulled into the driveway and Ava was anxious to get Daisy out of the car and into the house. Santana unbuckled JJ first, then she hooked Daisy's leash to her and opened the door for Ava. She squealed with delight when Santana let her hold onto the leash, but when they got to the door, Brittany was out on the front steps and did _not_ look happy. Santana swallowed hard, knowing that this was going to be like their frequent ice cream conversations only worse and she immediately realized that as much as she thought she could deal with the repercussions of her decision, maybe she wasn't.

"Aunt Brittany! Look! It's Daisy! Our dog!"

"I didn't know we had a dog." Brittany forced a smile for Ava, but the way she looked at Santana could kill. "Ava, honey, why don't you go inside and wash your hands?"

"Daisy! Come with me!" Ava pulled on the leash and she disappeared inside with the dog trailing behind her.

"You have got to be kidding me right now." Brittany lowered her voice and narrowed her eyes at Santana. "You got her a _dog_ without even thinking about talking to me?"

"Why should I have talked to you when you were just going to end up saying no?"

"Um, I don't know, because I live here too and am going to have to share the responsibility with you?"

"No one's asking you to do anything, Brittany. I'll take care of the damn dog."

"That's not even the point." Brittany shook her head. "We've had this conversation before, you just give into everything she wants and I'm trying to maintain some sense of order around here."

"Right, I'm the terrible parent."

"What's even up with you lately? I thought we were becoming friends and then suddenly you don't even look at me."

"Is this about us being friends or about the dog? Make up your mind."

"It's about communication. You're not communicating with me about anything and now you come home with a dog. A phone call would have been nice."

"So take her back."

"Right." Brittany rolled her eyes. "Because that won't make me the meanest person in the world if I take away the dog that _you_ told Ava she could have."

"I didn't go to the animal shelter with the plan of bringing home a dog. I did it because Ava said Cass used to take her."

"And managed to never bring home a dog!"

"Stop fighting! You're not supposed to fight! Aunt Santana promised!" Ava screamed, standing in the doorway. "You're makin' me and Daisy sad! Aunt Brittany, are you gonna take Daisy away from me?"

"I'm not going to take Daisy away from you, Ava. You don't have to worry about that." Brittany sighed, looking down at Ava and the dog. Then, she looked back up at Santana and whispered, "I'm not done with this conversation."

The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife the whole night and after the kids were in bed, Santana really wanted to just hide in her bedroom and avoid any sort of conversation. But Brittany ended up knocking on her door and Santana was shocked by that. She'd never actually done that before and it felt really weird as Santana trudged to the door and opened it. Brittany was standing there with her arms crossed over her chest and Santana took a deep breath.

"We can't fight with the kids sleeping." Santana put her hands up to stop the incoming barrage of criticism.

"I am more than capable of having an adult conversation with my voice at a reasonable volume."

"Don't you understand that I'm just trying to make this kid happy? JJ doesn't remember them probably already but Ava misses them so much and so what if we have a dog to help fill a hole in her life."

"It's not so what, Santana. Adults have conversations about big things like this. What happens when she's a teenager and she decides she wants to date, are you just going to let her go out with someone without talking to me."

"Oh, please, we were sleeping together when we were fifteen."

"Why do you always have to bring up our past whenever I'm just trying to have a conversation about something unrelated?"

"You're not trying to have a conversation. You're trying to make me feel bad. Well guess what? I don't. Goodnight, Brittany."

"You can't just say goodnight when you don't want to talk about things. You keep doing that."

"I can do whatever I want."

"Oh, real mature. Are you going to stick your fingers in your ears too?"

"You're one to talk."

"Excuse me." Brittany crossed her arms over her chest.

"You only want to talk when you think you're going to win an argument. Whatever, you want to be right, you're right. I shouldn't have gotten the dog, but now it's too late."

"I'm not having this conversation to try to be right. I'm trying to talk to you so we can be better parents together."

"Whatever, I'm not in the mood tonight."

"That's not how it works."

"It's how it works for me." Santana stepped back, considering closing the door.

"I really don't want to fight with you. I just want you to recognize what I'm trying to say."

"I get it, okay. You're the responsible one, I'm the irresponsible one. You win, I lose."

"Seriously Santana, what's up with you?"

"Nothing's up, this is just who I am. You know, shitty. You decided that two years ago."

"This isn't about us."

"Isn't it always?"


	9. August

**August:**

Things grew incredibly chilly between Santana and Brittany after the dog incident. It was obvious that Brittany loved the dog, but Santana guessed that wasn't the point. It hadn't been that awkward in the house since Santana had first moved in and truth be told, Santana kind of hated it. As much as it was hard when she was closer with Brittany, it was easier than when she wasn't talking to her and she kept trying to figure out how she could just make things normal again. She wondered if her dating Wendy didn't have something to do with Brittany being so pissed at her about the dog, but then she thought maybe that was just wishful thinking, maybe she just _wanted_ Brittany to be jealous, even if she wasn't.

Ava's camp had a family beach day one weekend and though Brittany was hardly talking to Santana, because they were trying to keep things normal for Ava, they both agreed to go. Once the kids were ready, Santana got in Brittany's car and they drove in silence, only peppered by Ava's occasional excited comments. When they got to the beach, Ava immediately found her friends and Santana spread out her towel on the beach to put JJ between her legs.

"This has to stop." Brittany said to Santana, sitting down on a towel beside her. "I hate not talking to you."

"You did it for two years." Santana shrugged.

"You think I loved it then? Santana, I never didn't miss you. You think you were the only one hurt by our breakup, but that's just not true. Being able to have you as my friend again made me really happy. Now we're just…I don't even know."

"Look, I'm sorry about the dog. I should have talked to you first."

"I know you go into things with your heart, really, but I'm afraid that Ava takes advantage of you sometimes. She knows better than to ask me for a dog, but with you…It's not ice cream for dinner, it's a fifteen year commitment."

"Kind of like agreeing to raise two kids."

"I was going to say." Brittany laughed. "We're still kind of in the middle of the last big commitment we took on. But let's just put it behind us, the dog is ours now, there's no use continuing to be mad at each other."

"Okay." Santana nodded. "I mean, it has kind of sucked watching TV up in my room, the living room TV is way better. And so was the company."

"How's…Wendy?" Brittany asked and Santana tried to detect if there was some kind of jealousy there.

"Good. I'm keeping it super casual, you know? I don't have time for a committed thing."

"Yeah…" She trailed off.

"So what about you? For real no dates on the horizon? You know I could be in charge of the kids on my own if you wanted to go out. You never really do anything for yourself."

"I'm just not into it right now. I haven't dated in a while, so…"

"Hmm." Santana nodded, looking out at the ocean.

"I haven't dated since you."

"Not at all?"

"Not at all. There's been no one I was into enough to put my heart on the line. I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

"You can tell me things." Santana told her, then looked away uncomfortably. "I mean, you asked about Wendy."

"Well who knows what's going to happen. If things get serious between you two, she's going to be part of the kids' lives. I may as well be in the loop now."

"It's going to be a long time before she's involved with the kids' lives. I have no desire to complicate things for Ava by introducing someone else. I'll keep my things to myself."

"Okay…I mean, I want to say that I appreciate that, but I don't know how that sounds."

"It sounds like you're being a good parent. You're worried about what happens with them, right?"

"Right." Brittany nodded, though Santana kind of felt like there was something more she wasn't saying. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part, maybe she was just desperate for Brittany to be jealous of Wendy so she didn't feel like she was the only one who still had feelings for the other. That had to be it. Brittany was so cool calm and collected, she obviously couldn't have still been harboring something…even if she hadn't dated in two years. Needing to take a break, she took a look at JJ and she kissed his belly, making him laugh.

"JJ, what do you say we go in the water for a little while? I bet we can get Ava to come."

Santana went and collected Ava from her friends and then she held one kid on each side as she took them into the water. It felt good on her skin after sitting in the hot sun even for just a little while and she loved how excited both kids got from the splashing of the waves. When she brought them out of the water, she saw that Brittany was taking pictures of them and she smiled at the camera, waving when she put Ava back onto her feet.

"Hi Aunt Brittany!" Ava called out, skipping toward her. "Why didn't you come in the water with us?"

"I figured I'd watch for a little while, come over here and have some lunch though, I don't want you to get too hungry."

"I wish you would swim with us, like a family!"

"We're going to have lunch together like a family." Brittany looked over at Santana, who just gave a small nod. No matter what, that's what they were and it felt so much better to be acting like it than to be avoiding each other and being mad.

"So you're not mad about my Daisy anymore, Aunt Brittany? Because Aunt Santana was super nice to let me get a dog."

"I'm not mad about Daisy anymore, I promise."

Santana was surprised that Brittany had packed her a sandwich. She was never really a fan of eating on the beach and getting sand in her food so she hadn't packed anything, but when Brittany handed her a turkey sandwich, she wasn't going to be rude and not eat it. The four of them ate lunch together and the silence was much more comfortable than the cool silence in the car that morning. If she and Brittany could just stay in a place like they were in right in that moment, then the next sixteen years shouldn't be that hard. There were movies about people raising kids with their friends, right? She made a silent vow not to do anything else without having a conversation with Brittany, figuring they'd function much better if they were on the same page, and then she turned to her and smiled.

"Aunt Santana, why are you smiling at Aunt Brittany?"

"I'm just having a nice day, kiddo." Santana shook her head. "I'm smiling at you and JJ too."

"You look like you're smiling at Aunt Brittany the most."

"I think she's just happy." Brittany jumped in, though Santana hoped she didn't think she was staring at her.

"So you're not gonna kiss?"

"No, Aves." Santana laughed, even as she blushed. "We're not going to kiss."

"I'm just making sure. I still think kissing is gross."

"May you think that for a long time." Brittany leaned over and kissed her head, though she met Santana's eyes and something passed between them.

After lunch, Brittany took Ava for a walk to look for shells and Santana sat with JJ while he took his nap. When they came back, they had a whole bucket full and Santana promised Ava that they would paint some the next day. Ava played with her friends for a little while more and then, after JJ woke up, they started packing up to go home. To make up for the hours she lost during the week, Santana had begun working on Saturday evenings and she really needed to have dinner and get to it. Balance was so much harder than she had expected, but she was really trying and she just didn't want to be passed up for any kind of promotions because her productivity was low or let any clients down.

To make things easier for Santana, after dinner, Brittany brought the kids upstairs so she could work at the kitchen table. She had nine calls to make and by the time she was done with them, the kids were long asleep. Just as she was finishing up, Brittany came downstairs and Santana was shocked to see how red her face was. For all the years they dated, Brittany was so cautious about sunscreen, but it was obvious that she'd completely forgotten to put it on and Santana felt really bad, knowing how badly it hurt.

"Brittany—"

"I know." She rolled her eyes at herself. "I'm an idiot."

"Are you burnt everywhere?"

"Everywhere my bathing suit wasn't. Now that the kids are in bed, I'm going to run to Walgreens and get some aloe."

"Let me go for you." Santana offered.

"You don't have to do that."

"I know it sucks being sunburned, jeeze, remember Hawaii when I was burnt for half the time? I'll be right back."

Santana took Daisy to walk with her and got to the store as quickly as she could and grabbed the closest bottle of aloe vera. She had no idea what the difference was, and she figured fast was better than anything, given how burnt Brittany was. Brittany was sprawled out on the couch with a glass of ice water when she got home and Santana handed over the bottle, feeling the heat that was radiating off of Brittany's skin. She was definitely going to blister from it and Santana pursed her lips.

"God, this feels so good." Brittany moaned a little as she rubbed the aloe on her chest and face. Santana pinched her thighs together, thinking that she really couldn't think about what Brittany sounded like when she moaned in pleasure. She was being too much for her own self but being in the presence of Brittany, she just couldn't help it. "Seriously thank you for going to me. I probably would have taken an hour to get there and back."

"It really wasn't a big deal, I needed to take Daisy out anyway."

"I can't believe you brought her into Walgreens again. Ava said they almost kicked you out when you did it the last time."

"Ava seriously lets me have no secrets." Santana laughed. "They didn't almost kick us out, they just asked us to bring the dog outside. The people at night aren't so uptight, they just want to go home."

"I mean I don't blame them." Brittany squeezed the bottle of aloe again and then looked over her shoulder again, clearly trying to figure out how she was going to get the gel on her sunburne back.

"Do you…um…?" Santana started, then trailed off.

"Is it weird if I need you to?"

"I mean…I've touched you in more—"

"Let's not do that." Brittany shook her head. "That's going to make it weird. Just please rub this on my back."

Holding her breath, Santana squeezed some of the aloe vera into her palm and gently applied it to Brittany's back. She couldn't think about how weird it felt to be touching Brittany again because the whole time, she made hissing sounds and Santana just felt totally awful about it. When she was done, Brittany took the bottle back and spread the aloe everywhere else before sitting on a towel on the couch and taking another sip of her water. She felt really weird, but as she'd learned after the reunion, she wasn't going to make things weird no matter how weird she felt.

"Thank you for that. I was thinking I might have to wake up Ava to do it."

"It's no big deal." Santana swallowed. "That's what friends are for."


	10. September

**September:**

Though she would have liked to claim it was Ava who reminded her, when Ava came up to tell her that she had something important to tell her, Santana knew exactly what it was about. Brittany's birthday was coming up and considering she knew that Cass had planned her last two birthdays, she figured she actually had to do something to make it kind of special. She used to do special things for her birthday all the time, including the time she let Brittany eat cake off her body because she claimed that was all she wanted for her birthday, but it couldn't be like that anymore. It had to be something special from the kids and she had to figure that out.

While Brittany was teaching the night before her birthday, Santana took Ava and JJ to the party store. She let Ava go totally wild, picking out every possible decoration that she wanted. Santana planned to wake Ava up early so they could decorate together and make Brittany breakfast and she was beside herself about it. She picked out balloons, streamers, two banners, a tablecloth and confetti and Santana had to laugh, thinking that giving her free reign might have been a little excessive. After the party store, she took them to the mall, where Ava decided she wanted to buy Brittany sneakers for her birthday. Santana thought it was funny, but when Ava picked out purple converse that matched her own, she understood why Ava thought that was the best idea in the world.

The next morning, Ava was up even before Santana and she was standing at the side of her bed when she rolled over. In order to keep JJ from waking up Brittany, she took him out of the crib even though they ordinarily let him self-soothe for a while, and she brought him downstairs and put him in his high chair. Ava excitedly helped Santana wrap Brittany's purple shoes and then they decorated the kitchen and living room together, even blowing up more balloons that Santana had found in her closet from when it was Cass and John's. They cooked breakfast together, making chocolate chip pancakes, eggs and bacon and Santana helped Ava carry it up the stairs before she stepped away and went back down to feed JJ breakfast.

"Ava, did you do all this?" Santana heard Brittany ask when she came downstairs and saw all of the decorations.

"Aunt Santana helped me! Why didn't you want to eat your breakfast in your bed?"

"I'd rather eat it down here with you." Brittany came into the kitchen.

"Hey. Happy birthday." Santana gave Brittany a small smile.

"Thank you. You didn't have to—"

"Aunt Brittany!" Ava shouted. "Look! Look at all the balloons we did! I even learned how to blow them up! Aunt Santana helped me so much and now you're going to have the bestest birthday ever."

"This looks amazing." Brittany scooped Ava up into her arms and kissed all over her face. "I can already tell this is going to be an amazing birthday. Thank you for that, baby girl."

Santana put pancakes on Ava's plate and she sat down at the table across from Brittany. She noticed that she kept smiling at her, but she didn't say anything and hoped that Ava wouldn't either. It had been a really rough year and as much as she could say that she'd done it for the kids, part of the reason that Santana did all of what she did was because she too wanted Brittany to have a good day. She was glad that she was enjoying what they'd done so far and she figured that while Brittany was at work, she'd go and get a cake and make something special for dinner. Maybe it was stupid on her part, but she wanted to do it, so that was that.

"Thank you." Brittany told Santana as she stood at the sink washing the breakfast dishes.

"You love your birthday…it's like your favorite day of the whole year."

"I wasn't feeling particularly birthday-y this year." She shrugged. "Cass and I talked about doing a girls weekend like, forever ago, so it's kind of a sad reminder of that. You made it a little better."

"Everyone deserves a birthday."

"Lots of people don't have them."

"But you're not lots of people."

"What does that mean?"

"It just means that you're special. You deserve special things and even if you don't have someone special in your life to give them to you, the kids and I can step in and make you have a good day."

"It feels really good to feel special."

Once Brittany brought Ava to school and JJ to daycare, Santana sat down at her computer and started working. She responded to a text from Wendy and then tried to get a much done as she possibly could early in the day. By two, she felt like she'd made enough progress and took a shower, got dressed and went out shopping. She stopped herself from buying Brittany a gift, but she did pick up some steaks and the mint chocolate chip ice cream cake that Brittany always really liked. Then she went to get the kids and brought them home to color cards for Brittany.

"Aunt Brittany! It's still your birthday!" Ava cried out when Brittany walked in the door. "We're cookin' you a fancy dinner?"

"You didn't have to do that." Brittany said to her, but looked right at Santana as she said it, picking up JJ from his high chair.

"It's no big deal." Santana shrugged. "We had to eat anyway, so…"

"I know, but it was really nice of you to do something for my birthday. I really didn't make any plans, so…"

"It was all Ava's idea, right kiddo?"

"I just wanted to decorate! You knew all about making the food! Aunt Santana even picked you out the bestest birthday cake."

"Aves, that's supposed to be a surprise."

"Everyone knows they get cake on their birthday." Ava rolled her eyes. "And Aunt Santana says that grownups deserve a steak dinner too. I think steak is yucky, but I'm not allowed to have ice cream until I eat it."

Throughout dinner, Brittany just beamed and when Santana took out the ice cream cake, she gave her the softest look she'd seen from her in years. Santana could physically feel something shifting and it made her incredibly nervous. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but she felt strange inside. After dinner, Brittany opened Ava's gift and she gave her the biggest hug Santana had ever seen. Of course, Ava insisted on putting on her purple shoes too and the two of them did a fashion show, strutting around the living room while JJ sat on the floor and clapped and Santana just laughed and laughed.

When Brittany's mom called, Santana took the kids upstairs. Ava went into her room to play while Santana rocked JJ to sleep. Sometimes he was difficult to get down, but given how much excitement the day had been, he went down easily and Santana went into Ava's room once he was in his crib. She watched Ava from the door and smiled, she figured the day had been good for all of them, Ava was happily playing and she almost hated to interrupt. But it was bath time and Santana called her to come to the bathroom. In the tub, Ava splashed around and then she looked up at Santana with her big eyes. Santana rinsed out her hair and waited for her to say something, knowing it was coming.

"Aunt Santana, when's your birthday?"

"Coming up in November. Why?"

"Because I want to help Aunt Brittany make you a special birthday too."

"We'll see what happens." Santana laughed. "Did you have fun today?"

"I had so much fun! I'm so happy I get to match my shoes with Aunt Brittany! She loved my present so, so much!"

"She did. You did a really good job picking it out."

"Do you love her?"

"I…care about her a lot as my friend." She told Ava, trying to keep it simple for her. "And we do nice things for our friends, right?"

"Uh huh." Ava nodded. "But I love her and I do nice things for her."

"You can definitely do nice things for people you love, but sometimes it's just for people you care about."

"Are you going to make a birthday for Wendy?"

"I…actually don't know when Wendy's birthday is." Santana confessed.

"Hmm. Maybe you don't care about her then."

"I do care about her. I just haven't known her as long as I've known Aunt Brittany."

Santana thought about what Ava had to say, even after she tried to justify herself. She was having fun with Wendy, that was for sure, but she didn't even think they were close to the point of doing birthday things for each other. Doing something for Brittany's birthday was just for the kids anyway, and she guessed, for the fact that she really did care about her as human being. It didn't have to be anything weird, Brittany would have done the same thing for her. At least, she thought she would, with how whiplashy things were between them, Santana could never be sure. But they were in a good place, a really good place, and she was trying not to do anything that screwed it up.

Once bath time was done, Santana got Ava into her bed and she sat down with a book. Just as she was finishing up the first story, Brittany came in and sat on the edge of the bed, listening to the second one. Ava was falling asleep by the time Santana was done and then she kissed her head and left the room, giving Brittany some time with her. She went downstairs to finish cleaning up the kitchen and when she got settled on the couch, Brittany came down and sat beside her.

"Santana, you don't know how much I appreciate what you did for me today."

"It was really no big deal."

"It was to me. I was really dreading today and you made it so much more special than I could have imagined."

"Ava wanted to do something and I just figured I'd follow it all the way through."

"You have such a big heart, do you know that?"

"Brittany."

"How is it possible to miss someone who you live with?" Brittany asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I…don't know."

"I miss you every day, Santana."

"I don't let myself miss you." Santana murmured. "It hurts too much."

"I just…hate that everything broke. I'm sorry."

"We're not supposed to talk about the past. You're right, it's too hard for me. The more I think about it, the more I regret that I walked out without talking to you. I was just so mad."

"I know, you're right. It's just that some days, everything comes rushing back to me. Like today, I kept thinking about how you used to make me breakfast in bed on my birthday, how you'd send me flowers at work and then blindfold me in a cab on the way to whatever restaurant you picked out so that I would be surprised. There's no one who ever knew how to love me like you did."

"You…loved me really well too. But…"

"You're right, we shouldn't talk." Brittany leaned in, her lips getting dangerously close to Santana's. Santana felt so much electricity between them but she knew she couldn't let it happen. She knew that if Brittany kissed her she would go spiraling out of control. Nothing would ever be the same again and everything they'd done since they managed to make up again had been to have an easier relationship. But still, Santana couldn't help but look deeply into Brittany's blue eyes before she quickly backed away.

"It's a bad idea." She shook her head. "It's a really bad idea."

"You're right." Brittany looked down. "I'm sorry."


	11. October

**October:**

Santana and Brittany didn't talk about the almost kiss. Instead, they just went back to living their lives normally and getting the kids ready for Halloween. Santana didn't stop seeing Wendy either. Something about it didn't feel right, especially after Brittany almost kissed her, but she was so afraid of getting hurt again with her ex-girlfriend that she wasn't going to go down that road and she wasn't going to stop seeing someone who she had a good time with, even if she didn't really have any feelings for her. She could tell that Brittany was sort of jealous about it and she felt bad about it, but she just didn't know what to do about it while still protecting her own heart.

One night, she had a date and Brittany was in a really bad mood when she left. Santana tried to joke around with her, but Brittany just wasn't having it. She was serious about putting dinner on the table for the kids, serious about Ava doing her homework, serious about everything and Santana didn't want to mess with her when she was like that. She remembered in high school when everyone thought that Brittany was so happy go lucky, but they didn't see that she could have bad days just like everyone else, and sometimes catching Brittany on a bad day was way worse than catching Santana. She got so mad sometimes that Santana thought it had to do with the fact that she kept everything held so deep inside so she could appear cool, calm and collected.

"Are you okay?" Santana asked, genuinely concerned about how unhappy Brittany was. She didn't like seeing her sad, she didn't like that she was slamming kitchen cabinets and she couldn't help but think that maybe she was the cause of it.

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine."

"I don't sound like I'm anything. I'm just trying to get dinner on the table and JJ won't stop crying, that's it. It's been a really long week and I'm tired."

"Do you want me to cancel with Wendy so you can have a break?"

"Why would I want you to cancel with Wendy?" She snapped. "I've got things under control, just go and stop getting under my feet."

"Brittany."

"Seriously, I'm fine. We don't have to make a huge issue about it."

Santana's eyes widened, but she didn't argue with Brittany. She grabbed her purse and kissed the kids goodbye before getting into her car and driving to pick Wendy up for dinner. She would be lying if she said she didn't think about Brittany the whole way into Manhattan, but she was really trying not to do that. She was so wrapped up in the past sometimes that she couldn't enjoy the present and she had a date with a really pretty woman that she had to get to. Brittany was Brittany, even though they'd almost kissed, they were determined to be friends and just-friends didn't mean cancelled dates and trying not to make something happen with someone else.

Dinner was nice. That was the only way for Santana to describe it and she felt like she was describing all of her dates with Wendy like that. _Nice._ She remembered when she first started dating Brittany and everything was _exhilarating._ Their fingers would brush and Santana got chills, Brittany would kiss her and she'd be dying for more. But as she sat across from Wendy, she just…didn't feel any of that. The date sort of felt like it was dragging on a little and because Santana wanted to walk off the glass of wine she had before she got in the car, the date continued even longer. Wendy was a really nice woman, she deserved better than some lackluster enthusiasm about anything, but Santana just wasn't ready to stop seeing her and be totally single again, especially around Brittany.

When they finally got to the garage, Santana was shocked to find that it was closed. What kind of garage closed at 11:00 in New York City anyway? At first she was really pissed about it, and then she started to get concerned. She had to get home to get the kids in the morning, Brittany had an early class. Looking at her phone, she knew that it was too late to call Brittany, especially because of the mood she'd been in and she didn't even want to send her a text for fear of waking her up and pissing her off. She took a deep breath and looked at Wendy.

"This is fucking bullshit." Santana snapped, kicking the metal door to the garage with her heeled foot. The vibrations of the kick immediately went through her body and she shuddered, realizing that she might have actually hurt herself. "I really need to get home."

"I thought the kids are with Brittany, it's not like you're leaving them with a sitter."

"I have a routine. This is going to throw everything off in the morning."

"At least you can stay at my place tonight." Wendy smiled demurely.

"Thanks." Santana ignored the smirk that curled on Wendy's face and looked at her phone again, considering again whether or not she should call Brittany but remembering her slamming the cabinet doors and decided no once and for all. "I'll just get up early and be at the garage when they open at five."

Santana hailed a cab and Wendy gave the driver her address. When they got back to her apartment, Wendy went into the bedroom and came out wearing lingerie. It was right in that moment where Santana realized she couldn't do it anymore, couldn't pretend that things were working out with Wendy when she couldn't get Brittany off her mind. If she slept with her, it wouldn't be right and she squeezed the arm of the couch before sighing heavily. She hated having hard conversations, as evidenced by her whole life, but as she opened her mouth to talk, she realized that this was a lot easier than she actually expected.

"Wendy, I think we need to talk."

"I'd rather do something other than talk."

"I'm serious."

"I knew this was coming." She shook her head. "It's Brittany, isn't it?"

"It's just…complicated. But you deserve better than someone who can't be fully committed to you."

"I really like you, Santana. What was it about me that couldn't make you fall for me?"

"I know this is going to sound so cliché but it's really not you, it's me. I mean it when I say it's complicated with Brittany. I don't think we're ever going to get back together but living with her and raising the kids with her means I can't fully devote myself to someone else."

"So you're just going to be alone?"

"I'm not alone. I have a family now and although I never thought I'd say this, that might mean more to me than anything else. I mean honestly Wendy, let's be real. If things got serious with us, how comfortable would you feel about me living with another woman and raising kids with her? What would happen if we were to get married and you had to live with her?"

"For you, I might have been willing to make it work."

"I know." She pursed her lips. "Which is why I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight."

"So this really isn't going to happen?"

"No, Wendy, I'm sorry. But if it's any consolation, I had a lot of fun with you."

"It's not really, but thanks."

Wendy went into the bedroom and slammed the door and Santana felt totally uncomfortable having the stay there. For the whole night, she hardly slept. She tossed and turned on the couch and just wanted to get home. At 4:30, she woke up and splashed water on her face, wishing she had a toothbrush. When she felt a little awake, she went downstairs and got a cab to take her back to the garage. She was hoping that she could be home before anyone woke up, that there wouldn't be traffic, that maybe she could make breakfast for Brittany and the kids before she turned around and went back into the city. She hoped no one had noticed her missing, she hoped things wouldn't be weird when Brittany assumed that she slept with Wendy.

The whole way home, she thought about Brittany. She wondered if she was really willing to give them a chance. She wondered what Brittany would say if she brought up her birthday. Maybe it was just a fleeting thing, maybe it was just that circumstances had brought them back together and Brittany was feeling particularly emotional that day. Everything spun around in Santana's head and by the time she pulled into the driveway, she was a mess. Giving Brittany another try felt terrifying, but not being with Brittany felt worse. She'd never wanted to kiss someone as much as she'd wanted to kiss Brittany that night and though she'd pushed her away, she'd give anything for a second chance.

"So you just stay out all night and don't call?" Brittany snapped from the couch the moment Santana walked in the door. Santana was shocked that she was even up, but seeing JJ sitting on the floor, she realized he'd had a bad night of sleep. "Do you know how fucked up that is?"

"Brittany, I—"

"Save it, Santana. You're too busy fucking your girlfriend to care about the kids you're supposed to be raising."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Santana got defensive and crossed her arms over her body, forgetting that she'd spent the whole drive home thinking about whether or not she and Brittany could make things work. "Why is it that you're always accusing me of things?"

"Oh, I don't know, because it's six o'clock in the morning and you're stumbling in wearing yesterday's clothes."

"Right, and I was cheating on you because I sounded distant."

"Why are you bringing up the past?"

"Because it's exactly the same situation, Brittany. You think you know what's going on and you actually have no idea."

"And yet once again, you're not denying it."

"I don't have to deny anything to you, you're not my girlfriend. I came home before the kids were supposed to be up, that's all the explanation I need to give you."

"You know what, fine." 

"No, _you_ know what. It's not fine. I can't do this." Santana shook her head, feeling utterly defeated by the same feelings she'd felt almost three years ago. "I can't sit here and pretend everything is great with you when this is a total disaster. This was all a big mistake."

"What was a big mistake?"

"Thinking that you can I could actually live together." She took a breath, realizing that this was about a million times harder than the conversation she'd had with Wendy the night before. With Brittany, everything was more intense, everything hurt more and she just knew that she couldn't be in the same house with her anymore.

"Well you made a commitment."

"I made a commitment to raise the kids. No one said I had to do it in the same house as you."

"One fight and you're ready to move out?"

"It's not even about the fight. It's about the fact that this whole arrangement has been stupid from the get go. I have too many complicated feelings for you and I don't want to do it anymore."

"So you're just going to walk away? _Again?"_

"The fact that you think I just walked away the last time shows how little you know."

"Then tell me, Santana. Do what you never did three years ago." Brittany challenged and Santana wanted to curl up into a little ball. The thoughts of three years ago when she stormed out of the apartment came rushing back to her and all she could think was that she shouldn't have let Brittany get this close, she never should have put herself in this situation again, even if it was for the kids.

"You know what? No. It's just not worth it."


	12. November

**November:**

It took a week for Santana to find a place to live, but she kept her word and moved out, taking Daisy with her. It was really hard to explain to Ava that they were going to be moving the kids around between two places, but Santana really believed that it was for the best. Feelings had gotten too entangled with Brittany and the longer they lived together, the more complicated things were going to get. The house she found was only a short term rental, but it would give her enough time to find something else, a more permanent place where the kids could settle in during the half time that she had them. Something with a yard maybe, a pool, as if things in her house could fill the emptiness she felt in her chest every time she thought about the fact that she didn't live with Brittany anymore.

The day she moved out, it hurt. It felt like her and Brittany were breaking up again, but this time, there were kids involved. She promised Ava that she'd pick her and JJ up the next day, that they'd love the new house, that they would still do things together, but all of it felt hollow. The way Brittany looked at her just made her feel awful, but deep down, she felt like she was doing the right thing, she felt like it was the only way to keep everyone from getting hurt. The fight they'd had the morning after she'd spent the night at Wendy's had just dredged up too much for her, just made her feel completely awful and out of control and had reminded her of all the reasons why she couldn't even try to make it work with Brittany.

For the kids' sake, Santana and Brittany agreed to take the kids to the mall to see Santa together the morning after Thanksgiving. Brittany had had them for the morning the day before and then Santana had them in the evening and overnight, so she let Ava get dressed in her red and white dress and put JJ in khakis and a bow tie and then she drove over to the house to pick up Brittany. They didn't say anything to each other in the car, they both just responded to Ava when she talked to them. It felt like the first birthday party that they were at after they'd broken up, where they had no choice but to share the same space, but neither of them really wanted it.

"Aunt Santana, am I sleeping in the little house tonight?" Ava asked from the backseat. "Or at my house?"

"You're going to sleep at your house tonight. After we see Santa, I'm going to drop you off with Aunt Brittany."

"Can you have a sleepover there with me?"

"I wish I could, kiddo, but I have to go back to my house."

"I don't like it." She pouted. "I don't like it at all."

"I know you don't, but it's just how it has to be."

"I don't think that's fair. You didn't ask me if I wanted you to go live in the dumb little house and now Aunt Brittany is grumpy and you live far away and I can't come in your bed every morning."

"Why don't you go into Aunt Brittany's bed when you're there?"

"Because I always go into _your_ bed. That's the rules."

"Ava." Santana sighed and Brittany was silent.

"This is worse than when you were shrinky and Aunt Brittany made faces. At least then you still both read me bedtime stories and had breakfast with me."

"I know, kiddo. It sucks for me too."

"Then come back! Do you not like me?"

"Honey, of course I love you. But remember how we talked about how Aunt Brittany and I aren't girlfriends? Sometimes it's hard for grownups to live with someone who isn't their girlfriend."

"I think that's dumb. Is Wendy going to move into your house with you?"

"No, Wendy isn't going to move into my house. I promise this has nothing to do with Wendy and it has nothing to do with you."

They got to the mall and the line for Santa was impossibly long. JJ was crying halfway through and Ava was so antsy that she couldn't stand still. It seemed like every kid was freaking out, but since they had committed to this, Santana figured they had to see it through. She pulled snacks for the kids out of her bag and Brittany took out a coloring book for Ava. At least when it came to the kids, they were on the same page and Santana was grateful for that. She wondered if this was what divorced parents felt like, if coming together for the kids was at least some kind of common bond that kept them from killing each other. She looked down at Ava who colored contentedly on the floor under her feet and she took a sharp breath.

"This sucks."

"It's the day after Thanksgiving, everyone is suddenly in the Christmas spirit." Brittany shrugged. "What did you expect?"

"I didn't exactly expect a crying kid on line to see Santa. I just want this to be a good experience for them."

"JJ's fine now."

"Yeah, I know, but still. Anyway, how have you been?"

"Fine."

"That's it?"

"Honestly, Santana, I think we should just keep our conversation to the kids."

"Is that how it's going to be?"

"I thought that was how you wanted it."

"Brittany—"

Before Santana could say anything else, Brittany turned away from her. Was that what she wanted? Santana just couldn't decide. She guessed that if she was going to wish for anything, she'd wish she could go back in time three years. She would have actually talked to Brittany after the accusations came. She would have told her how hurt she was. She would have tried to fix things. She would have told Cass and John never to get in the car they day they did. She would have just fixed everything so she could have been happily living with Brittany in their apartment, visiting John and Cass and the kids, probably having a kid of their own. But wishes weren't real, she knew that more than anyone and there was just no point in wishing for anything that couldn't come true.

Another hour passed and Santana had gotten to the point where she was sure they couldn't possibly wait any longer. Brittany had already taken JJ into the bathroom to change his diaper, Ava was whining and the sound of kids screaming made Santana want to tear her hair out. She had no idea why she thought this was going to be fun, why she'd been the one to even suggest doing it in the first place, but she decided then and there that next year, they were going to pull the kids out of school and take them on a day where no one else was around. But then, they were next and all of Ava's whining stopped when she finally got a view of Santa Claus.

"Am I on Santa's nice list this year?" Ava asked, hopping between feet.

"I definitely think you are, sweetheart." Brittany smiled at her and adjusted one of her braids. "You've been a really good girl."

"Last year, he didn't bring me what I wanted to for Christmas." She reminded Santana, who sighed sadly. Santana felt a pang in her chest but she breathed through it, not letting Ava see her sadness.

"Let's hope this year you're wishing for something that's possible for Santa to give. Do you still want that American Girl doll?"

"That's not what I want the mostest."

"What do you—?" Santana was cut off by the woman dressed as an elf telling them that it was their turn and Ava squealed with delight.

"Santa! Santa!" She cried, rushing into his arms while JJ eyed the bearded man warily before Brittany handed him over.

"What did she want last year?" Brittany murmured and Santana knew that she was thinking that they must have disappointed her on her first Christmas with them.

"Same thing we all wished for, for Cass and John to come back. I just don't want her to be disappointed for the second year in a row."

"If we could have given her that, we would have."

"I know." Santana shook her head.

She watched as Ava climbed up on Santana's lap and she smiled. If nothing else had happened throughout the year, at least Ava was much happier. She and Brittany might have had their issues but she thought that they'd probably been exactly the kind of influence that John and Cass had wanted for their kids. They made Ava smile. They made JJ feel safe and loved. Christmas was going to be difficult for Santana because she wasn't going to spend Christmas Eve in the house with the kids, but it was a consolation knowing that it _would_ be good for the kids.

"I'm Ava." Ava announced to Santa, pointing to herself. "I'm six."

"And who's this little guy?"

"That's my brother JJ. And that's my Aunt Brittany and that's my Aunt Santana. They live in different houses now even though they used to live together in my house. My Mommy and Daddy are dead."

"Looks like you're still pretty lucky to have so many people who love you." Santa chuckled awkwardly and Santana wondered what he could ever possibly say to some kind of confession like that. "And what is it you want me to bring you for Christmas this year."

"Sometimes you're not very good at bringing me what I want." She told him authoritatively, furrowing her brow at him. "So I don't know if you're going to bring me my bestest present this year."

"Well I sure can try. Give it a shot."

"I want Aunt Santana to not live in the little house anymore. I want her to come back home and sleep in her regular room so I can get in her bed every day and not just when I sleep in the little house."

"You know Ava, that's not something I can make in my toy shop." Santa looked between the two adults.

"You said that last year too, when I wanted you to bring my Mommy and Daddy back to me. Everyone says Santa is magic but I don't think you're very good at Christmas."

Santana felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of her. How could she, in any sort of good conscience, allow Ava to be sad on Christmas for a second year in a row? But she'd made her decision. Living with Brittany wasn't good for her, especially when they still had so much unresolved between them. She took a deep breath, trying to get air into her lungs, and she cast a sideways glance and Brittany who just looked sad. They were seeing Santa, it was supposed to be a happy day, so she tried her best to paint on a smile. Ava looked pointedly at her and she cracked her back, trying not to let her see in her eyes that she was going to have to let her be disappointed again.

After the pictures were taken of the kids with Santa, they left the mall and Santana listened as Ava was quiet in the backseat. Brittany, unsurprisingly, hadn't said anything since Ava's revelation and when they got back to the house, she got out of the car with just a quick goodbye. Santana went around back and got JJ out, before helping Ava get unbuckled and Ava looked her straight in the eye.

"Aunt Santana, why can Santa never give me what I want?"

"I think…kiddo, that Santa is much better at giving _things_ than people."

"I don't think that Santa is very good at being Santa."

"He tries really hard, Aves. But like I told you last year, his magic can only go so far."


	13. Christmas

**December:**

After Ava's encounter with Santa Claus and the sadness Santana saw in her eyes when she told her that Santa wasn't very good at being Santa, Santana just felt awful. Truth be told, she'd felt awful since the day she moved out of the house, but every day it just seemed to be getting worse. She missed seeing the kids every day, she missed the routine they had gotten into, and though she would try to deny it to herself, she missed _Brittany._ Over the ten months they had been living together, they had rekindled something that had been missing in Santana's heart for a long time and she felt a little sick that it had all been thrown away.

Because they wanted to make Christmas a nice day for the kids, they agreed to do it together. Santana was going to come over on Christmas morning, they'd have breakfast, the kids would open their gifts and then she'd stay for the day. She realized that if there was one thing she and Brittany were actually really good at, it was co-parenting. Even if they'd had their spats in the time they were living together, the kids actually seemed to be well-adjusted and were in so much better shape than they'd been in the first months after John and Cassidy died. All Santana wanted was for that to continue…or really, all she wanted was for everything to feel right inside of her again. But she didn't know how to make that happen.

On Christmas Eve morning, she went out and took Daisy for a walk. She just needed to clear her head, even though it was cold outside, and she realized the one thing that she couldn't clear from her mind was Brittany. She thought about their eight-year relationship, she thought about how they'd never resolved their breakup, she thought about how even after two years apart, she hadn't been able to explain to Brittany how awful she felt when Brittany had assumed she was cheating on her. So much was left unsaid between them and she didn't know how she was ever going to feel like she was right in the head until she actually got it out. Then, she thought about Ava. She thought about her Christmas wish and how really, she was the only thing stopping it from coming true.

All afternoon, she stewed in her thoughts. Then, after eight-pm, she knew what she had to do. She couldn't wait any longer to talk to Brittany, she needed to lay it all out on the table and just…see where it went. When Brittany had almost kissed her back in September, she'd felt that the spark was still there. It was in Brittany's eyes, it was in her own heart as it thump-thump-thumped against her rib cage. She realized then that they were never going to be over, that all the breakups and movings out and everything else didn't stop the fact that she still loved her and she was never going to be happy until things were fixed. So, she went in her room to get something out of her drawer, she put Daisy in the car and she drove over to the house, knocking softly on the door when she got there so as not to wake the kids.

"Santana, what are you doing here?" Brittany asked when she answered the door, snow falling around them like some kind of cheesy Christmas movie. If she were in _Love, Actually_ or something, she would have swept Brittany off her feet right there. She would have pulled her into her arms and kissed her, she would have dropped down on one knee and proposed, but they weren't in a Christmas movie. They were in real life and there were real life things between them that they needed to talk about.

"Can I come in?" Santana shuffled between her feet and looked down.

"Uh, yeah, sure." She stepped back and let Santana step inside, eyes never leaving her as she slipped off her coat and hung in by the door. "Do you want tea? I just made a cup."

"I'm good. No, that's a lie. I'm not good."

"What's going on? The kids are in bed." Brittany walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, the lights from the Christmas tree reflecting in her blonde hair.

"Here." Santana reached in her jeans pocket and pulled out the box she'd taken from her dresser. She didn't open the box, she just handed it over to Brittany and took a deep breath. Not letting her eyes move, she watched as Brittany opened it, her eyes widening as she saw the diamond ring inside.

"What… _what_? What are you doing?"

"No, no…I'm not…it's not like that. I just wanted to show you. You kept asking me to tell you and I kept refusing to talk about it. That's why I was so secretive. I just…wanted it to be a surprise."

"Santana."

"I know it means nothing years later, but I was going to propose to you. That's why it hurt me so badly when you thought I was cheating on you. I wanted to give you everything and…you couldn't even trust me."

"It wasn't you…it was me."

"That…explains nothing."

"You were doing so well in your career, I was still teaching beginner ballet for twelve dollars an hour. I wasn't doing anything that I wasn't doing in high school and all I could think of was that I wasn't good enough for you. Why wouldn't you want to leave me for someone else? It consumed me, Santana. When I felt you pulling away from me…"

"I never would have cheated on you, Brittany."

"I know. I knew it when you walked out, I was just too stupid to see it before I said something."

"You weren't stupid." Santana felt the walls she'd build up around this come tumbling down as she moved closer to Brittany on the couch. Just being in her proximity had the effect on Santana and she thought maybe the Christmas lights reflecting in her eyes were making it even more so. She wanted everything to stop hurting, she wanted everything to be good between them again. She never wanted to lose Brittany. "You were scared."

"So scared. The way I loved you…the way I still love you is the scariest thing I've ever experienced. I just don't know how I can feel so much for one person."

"You…still feel it?"

"I never stopped." Brittany shook her head, wringing her hands in her lap and Santana sort of thought it might be so she wouldn't reach out and touch her. "Why do you think I don't date? No one will ever compare to you."

"For the record, I have dated, and no one will ever compare to you either."

"What are we doing?" She whispered.

"I…don't know. I didn't think that far. I just had to come here and see you. I had to know whether or not we still had some kind of chance."

"Is it okay if I kiss you right now?"

"Please."

The Christmas lights on the tree flickered as Brittany moved in slowly, trying not to break the moment, Santana thought. When their lips pressed together, Santana felt like she was coming home. She felt like everything she'd done in the past three years didn't matter, it was all just leading up to the inevitable moment where they found each other again. It was Santana who deepened the kiss, Santana who wrapped her arms around Brittany, Santana who just wanted to melt into her and make everything magically better. It was Christmas, after all, shouldn't there be some kind of magic?

"I'm sorry." Brittany murmured. "I'm so sorry that I thought the worst of you when all you ever did was try to be the best. Will you ever forgive me?"

"I think…for the first time, I'm finally able to heal my heart."

"I love you, I don't know if that was clear."

"It was totally clear." Santana laughed. "And I love you too."

"Where do we go from here?"

"If you'll have me, I'd like to move back in. I hate living across town, I feel like I'm missing out on everything and now that I know you love me back, I don't think I can bear to be that far away. We can take things as slowly or as fast as you want. All I know is that I'm done being without you."

"And what about the kids?"

"I think Ava has more of an idea than anyone. She's been pestering me about you for months."

"What do you mean?" Brittany furrowed her brow.

"She point blank asked me if I love you."

"What did you even say to that?"

"I told her that I cared about you a lot. What else was I going to say? I do care about you a lot, I always have. I know that I didn't exactly show it the night of your birthday when I freaked out, I just didn't expect you to almost kiss me that night."

"I didn't expect to almost kiss you either, but I feel so much when I'm around you that it was so hard for me to control. As much as we were angry with each other when we first moved in here, I still felt things for you. Then there were all those complications with the movie premiere and the reunion and I was so jealous of you dating Wendy that I couldn't even stand it. I'm still jealous of you and Wendy…"

"Wendy and I aren't a thing. I broke up with her that night I didn't come home. My car got locked in the garage and all I could think about was getting home to you and the kids."

"I'm sorry I accused you."

"I know, I wish you wouldn't do that."

"I promise you, I won't anymore. Santana, you've seriously always been it for me. I know you stayed here for two weeks after we broke up, Cass told me, but I went back to Lima and stayed with my parents. I didn't know how to be apart from you and maybe, now that I do, I can love you better."

"You always loved me best, Brittany. That's why no one else could ever compare."

"I think of all the time we missed…"

"Don't think about it. Think about all the time we have ahead of us. I want you to hold onto that ring and think of it as a promise. I'd be crazy if I proposed to you right now, but one day, I'm going to ask for it back and I'm going to get down on one knee and ask you to love me forever."

"You don't have to ask me to love you forever, I already do."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

There was the patter of little feet on the stairs, but Santana didn't make a move to separate from Brittany. Instead, she took her hand and squeezed it, turning to see Ava standing there in her pajamas, hair a mess from bed and rubbing her eyes. She smiled at her as Daisy ran up to her and licked her feet and Ava blinked rapidly, trying to figure out what was going on. She looked at the Christmas tree to the gifts that Brittany had carefully arranged under there, then she looked to the couch where Santana and Brittany sat close together. A smile lit up her face and she kept blinking, as if her eyes would clear and she wouldn't see what she thought she was seeing.

"Did Santa come?" She asked, looking between Santana and Brittany on the couch. "Did he give me my wish?"

"That's up to Aunt Brittany." Santana smiled, though she was certain she knew the answer even before Brittany said it. Maybe wishes did come true, maybe Christmas magic was real. "If she'll have me back, I'll come home."

"Santana, I couldn't ask for a better Christmas present."


	14. Epilogue

**One Year Later:**

To say that Santana Lopez was nervous was an understatement. She knew that it was completely cheesy and maybe the opposite of romantic but when she'd originally planned to propose to Brittany four years ago, she'd had it in her head that she was going to do it on New Year's Eve. There was something about Brittany in white lights and candles that made her swoon and she knew that the restaurant she'd planned to take her to had just that. Maybe it was going to cost her a small fortune between dinner and the babysitter she had to pay triple time to get her to work on New Year's Eve but the last year had been amazing with Brittany and considering they were practically married anyway, living in the same house and raising the kids together, she thought it was about time they made it official.

Unlike the last time, when Santana was dead set on secrecy regarding the proposal, she didn't do that again. Back in October, she'd asked Brittany for the ring back that she'd given her for safekeeping and they both knew that it was only a matter of time before she proposed. Santana thought that maybe Brittany was a little disappointed that she didn't do it on Christmas, but Christmas was for the kids and filled with hours of unwrapping toys, putting things together and searching for batteries. Santana really wanted to do it on a night where they didn't have to worry about anything else, where she could just revel in Brittany and the joy that the proposal was bound to bring them both.

"Aunt Santana." Ava whined, standing beside the dresser in the room Santana and Brittany had come to share, leaving John and Cassidy's room as a guest room. "Why can't I come to the restaurant with you and Aunt Brittany?"

"And me! And me!" JJ looked up from where he was playing with his tablet on the bed.

"Kiddos, we're going out way past your bedtime. You're going to have pizza and ice cream with Regina and then tomorrow we're going to go ice skating."

"But I want to put on my fancy dress and come out with you!?

"Ava." Brittany came in the room, still better at saying no to the kids than Santana was. "What have we talked about with the whining?"

"But it's not—"

"Sweetheart, listen to Aunt Brittany." Santana raised an eyebrow. "Sometimes Aunt Brittany and I need to have special time together."

"So you can be all kissy? You're kissy even when you're in the kitchen."

"You're a knucklehead." Santana ruffled her hair. "You're going to have a fun night, I promise."

"You." Brittany smiled, wrapping her arms around Santana's waist where she stood in her shimmery black dress. "Look gorgeous."

"And you look not ready. But still gorgeous anyway."

"I'm going to get in the shower now. You know I take exactly half the time to get ready as you do and we don't have to leave for an hour. You haven't even put your makeup on, that could take just as much time."

"Shh." Santana laughed, picking up her foundation. "Get in the shower."

True to her word, Brittany finished getting ready just as Santana started putting her lipstick on. They brought the kids downstairs and got them settled on the couch with a movie when the doorbell rang and Regina arrived to watch them. Santana checked her purse three times for the ring while Brittany gave Regina the directions for the evening, not that she needed them, she watched the kids at least twice a month and once they kissed the kids goodbye, they were off. They decided to take a Lyft so they could both drink and the driver was waiting outside when they exited the house.

"Do you feel bad about leaving the kids on New Year's Eve?" Brittany asked.

"I thought I would, but it's kind of an adult holiday anyway. There's no way we were going to let Ava and JJ stay up until midnight, tomorrow would have been a disaster. So then what, we sit around the house quietly so we don't wake them up? I think this is fine. Better than fine, sometimes we deserve date night."

"You're definitely gotten better about not giving into Ava's every whim."

"Well someone has taught me a lot about being a mom. I mean it's weird, the idea that we're kind of their moms, isn't it?"

"I guess so. I mean I like that they still call us Aunt Brittany and Aunt Santana. Just makes me feel like Cass and John still have a presence."

"Yeah, I'm glad JJ wants to do everything Ava does, or else who knows what he would have picked up. By the way, I'm really excited you wanted to go to this restaurant."

"Santana, I know nothing about things that are a big deal and I still know that getting into this place, especially on New Year's Eve, is next to impossible. I still don't know how you pulled this off."

"I may or may not have mentioned that my name was Penelope Cruz on the phone. I just lucked out that I actually had the number of the manager to call." Santana bit her lip, holding back a laugh.

"You're cute." Brittany lifted her hand to kiss the back of it. "You know you don't have to wine and dine me, right?"

"Tonight, I have to."

"Tonight, huh?" Brittany had a sense of understanding in her voice and Santana knew that she knew what was coming, something the her of four years ago would have freaked out about but who she was now was happy that this engagement was something they were in mutual agreement on.

"You're going to love this place. I've only been here once with a client, but the salmon is literally orgasmic."

"I don't know how I feel about something besides me giving you an orgasm."

"Babe, we'll both be having orgasms from the food tonight, and then we'll go home and have better ones."

"I honestly can't with you. I don't know if you're suave or if you're the biggest dork in the world." Brittany shook her head.

"Just wait and see, then you won't think I'm so dorky."

Santana did the tip quickly on her phone for the Lyft driver when they arrived so she didn't forget and took Brittany's hand as she led her inside. She murmured to the hostess that her last name was Cruz and she immediately took them to an intimate table in the back of the restaurant. It was absolutely perfect, even though Santana hadn't expected to get such a prime spot, and she looked at her watch, seeing that they still had three hours until the clock struck midnight. Her plan was to get down on one knee at exactly that moment, and though she knew Brittany knew, she was still all kinds of jittery thinking how she wanted it to be just perfect.

For New Years, the restaurant did a nine course dinner, complete with wine pairings and a champagne toast at midnight so neither of them had to look at the menu. They just held hands on the table, toasted with their first glass of wine—an amazing buttery white, said Santana, who was not exactly a wine connoisseur—and then Santana checked for the ring in her bag again. She thought of everything the last year had been, how they'd spend the first week Santana moved back in tentatively relearning each other. How they'd slept in Brittany's room beside each other for those seven days and how finally, after they'd kissed at midnight on New Year's Eve, they slowly undressed each other and made love for the first time in far too long. How they'd still bickered sometimes about the kids, but at the end of it, they loved each other so deeply that both was will to see the other's side. How Ava introduced them as _my aunts who are girlfriends and get all kissy._ How JJ laughed when they all laid together on the couch at night. How good it felt to be a family with the one person she'd always wanted a family with more than anything.

"You're lost in your head." Brittany gently chided Santana.

"I'm just thinking about what a good year it's been."

"It really has. I'm so glad we're us again, Santana."

"I'm more glad for that than I've ever been about anything in the world." Santana looked at the table, seeing that they were only on their first course and she had planned on waiting until dessert, but everything felt so perfect that she just couldn't hold off on doing it any longer. She'd waited literal years for this moment and she was jittery with anticipation. So she reached into her bag and took out the ring, opening the box so Brittany could see it, even though she'd kept it safe for almost a year. "Brittany, I fell in love with you when I was fourteen years old, even though my mind kept screaming out that I should never be in love with another girl. No matter what has happened between us, I've loved you every day since then. And in this past year, I've learned to love you even more, with this strange adult kind of love that I didn't know how to have. I love you as my person, I love you as the other mother to those two beautiful kids we're raising. Maybe we've never done anything in the right kind of order, we were sleeping together before we could ever express feelings for each other, we were raising kids together when we weren't even a couple, but none of that matters. All that matters is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to be your partner in everything. I love you, Brittany Pierce. Will you marry me?"

"I don't think I've ever been more excited for someone to ask me a question." Brittany grinned. "Of course I'll marry you, you're everything to me."

"Oh God. Is it weird that I was nervous you were going to say no?"

"A little, yes." Brittany laughed as Santana slipped the ring on her finger and leaned over to kiss her. "We've been basically married since the moment we got back together."

"Ava is going to be beside herself. She was whispering to me the other night about wearing a flower girl dress."

"You want to wake her up when we get home, don't you?"

"A little…"

"I'll allow it, just this once." Brittany put her hands on Santana's cheeks and kissed her over and over again. "God, I love you."

"Cass and John would have been really excited."

"They practically orchestrated this whole thing. I could just picture Cass knowing full well that if she didn't change the will and had us raise those kids together, it would inevitably lead to us getting back together."

"We were always kind of inevitable, weren't we?" Santana cocked her head to the side.

"I always thought so. But I also think we needed time to be Brittany and Santana instead of just BrittanyandSantana."

"Growing up was hard and painful, but I think it made us better."

"We're kind of an epic couple."

While they continued their dinner, the waitstaff in the restaurant came over to congratulate them and they eventually ended up on the dance floor, a little tipsy and swaying to the music that the band played. Santana thought that it was impossible for her to have a better night, that being in this restaurant with her fiancée was basically the greatest thing in the entire world. She loved the way Brittany kept admiring the ring, she loved the way she couldn't help but kiss her, tasting of wine, she loved the way she felt pressed against her on the dance floor. The years they'd spend apart didn't matter anymore, they were starting a brand new year engaged and raising the two kids that the loved so much.

"Let's go home before the countdown." Brittany whispered against Santana's lips after she looked at her watch and saw that it was just before eleven. "Let's wake the kids up and count down the new year with them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I think I want to. This night was perfect, but I think we should celebrate as a family."

"Just keep giving me reasons to love you."

"I'll spend the rest of my life doing just that."

Santana paid the check while Brittany arranged a Lyft and they went outside, getting into the red Volkswagen that waited for them. They maybe kissed the whole way home and when they were at the house, they wished their driver a happy new year and went inside. Regina was surprised to see them so early but Santana paid her as if they were getting home at two-am like they'd planned and sent her on her way, hoping that maybe she could catch some last minute festivities. Neither Brittany nor Santana bothered to take off their gowns before they went upstairs, Brittany getting JJ and Santana getting Ava from bed to bring the downstairs to watch the ball drop.

"Did Aunt Brittany say yes?" Ava murmured, rubbing her eyes as Santana gently shook her awake.

"You'll have to ask her." Santana smiled, kissing Ava's forehead. "We're going to count down for the new year, come on."

JJ was still half asleep on Brittany's shoulder when Santana and Ava met her in the hallway but Ava excitedly grabbed Brittany's hand and started shouting, seeing the ring on her aunt's finger. Brittany and Santana just laughed and ushered her down the stairs, turning on the television with two minutes left until midnight. JJ snuggled into Brittany's lap and Ava bounced around on the floor, looking as if she'd never been asleep. Santana rested her head on Brittany's shoulder and she felt like she had absolutely everything in the world.

"TEN!" Ava screamed. "NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!"

"Happy New Year!" Brittany and Santana cried out in unison, kissing each other first and then planting kisses on Ava and JJ's heads.

"This the bestest New Years ever!" Ava giggled, though everyone knew she had never stayed up until midnight before. "Happy New Year Aunt Brittany! Happy New Year Aunt Santana! Happy New Year JJ!"

" 'appy new year." JJ lisped, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"I'm glad we did this." Santana whispered to Brittany.

"Me too, baby. Me too."


End file.
